|
IN THIS ISSUE YOU WILL FIND:
From The Director Of Grief Watch
Thoughts Along The Way
Helpful
Product – The Singing Star
Join The Free Product Giveaway List
A Void
Is A Void Is A Void
Parent Submission – “Stop
Crying"
Tear Soup Tips –If
there Are Two Of You Cooking
Poem - by Helen
Keller
Helpful Links & Websites
Comments & Suggestions
FROM THE DIRECTOR OF GRIEFWATCH
Pat Schwiebert, R.N. – Executive Director
You Are A Gift In My Life
Through the death of your loved one you have been given a valuable gift, along with
the pain and sorrow you have experienced.
Though your sorrow will remain with you for the rest of your life, it will, in time, be
transformed, bringing with it a heightened awareness of life’s meaning. You may
never get completely beyond the pain, but one day (and this idea that may appall you
right now) what is now an unbearable misfortune will become a blessed memory of a
loved one who will never again leave you. Right now you may be in a stage of
unhappiness where it is impossible for you to trust these reassurances. But given
time and a positive resolution of your grief, you will begin to appreciate in your self a
new depth of understanding and maturity—all because of this precious loved one in
your life. Time’s gift to the living is that we are able to move on and to grow.
As I was talking with a friend who was dying he told me about parts of his past life
that I had never known about. His was a hard life filled with enormous emotional and
physical pain because of abuse and discrimination. He had attempted suicide
several times in an effort to find release from his pain. He had every right to be an
angry person, yet he literally glowed with compassion and understanding. What he
told me was this: “Pat, I have learned to be grateful for every day of my life—not just
the good days, but the bad ones, too. The bad days also helped to make me who I
am today.” Dennis’ life made my life look like a picnic. I figured if he could be
thankful for all of his life, then surely I could too. The gift of Dennis’ sharing his life
with me changed my life.
Without this tragedy that you are suffering you might never have been motivated to
get to know yourself as well as you have. It is in part because you have felt so bad in
the past that you feel so good today. Going through what you have been through has
sharpened your vision. You will see things differently than before. Don’t be afraid to
be grateful for the good which will come to you out of this experience. Your greater
benefit was not the reason why your loved one died, of course. But God has a way of
bringing life out of death, good out of tragedy.
Your refusing to see anything good will not bring your loved one back, and it could
keep you from experiencing a profound joy and peace that you have never know
before. I hope you will someday be able to say to your loved one, “I’m glad you
were.”
Questions or comments? Contact the author Pat Schwiebert R.N. at mailto:pat@tearsoup.com
THOUGHTS ALONG THE WAY
“I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure;
try to please everybody”
To learn more about Thoughts Along The Way please visit :
http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/thoughts.htm
| HELPFUL
PRODUCT: |
|
The
Singing Star
|
|
|
Imagine your loved
one cradled in a star.
Imagine as the breeze sings a melody of love.
Each Singing Star is individually
handcrafted and textured, making each one unique. The
Singing Star can be used for holiday memorial services,
as a welcoming gift, wind chime or as a personal gift
for a friend that is grieving the loss of someone or
something special in their lives.
Funeral Homes, Counselors and Professional Caregivers
that work directly with the bereaved have used the
Singing Star as a way to make a personal connection with
those that they are assisting or caring for.
The Singing Star has been hard fired and is beautifully
finished in white ceramic.
Size 5” x 4” inches.
To learn more about The Singing Star visit: http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/ornaments.htm
|
|
JOIN THE FREE PRODUCT GIVEAWAY LIST !!!
Recently we started a new program within our website that aims to bring awareness
to our bereavement resources by giving away FREE helpful products in a monthly
drawing. The entries for this drawing are pulled directly from a new “Product
Giveaway List” that is open to all of our customers and newsletter subscribers.
To take part in this special program and have your name included in the drawing each
month, all you have to do is add your name to our “Giveaway List.” It’s that easy!
Each month we enter the names on this list into a special drawing where we give
away a FREE item from our product catalogue. These items often include our
handmade ceramic Remembering Heart, Love Stones, the Rainbow Butterfly, or
Support Cards.
This months drawing is for a FREE ceramic Singing Star! You just read about this
product in the article directly above. learn more by visiting: http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/ornaments.htm
Currently we maintain three separate lists for our subscribers to choose from. Each
uniquely different, they let subscribers customize the services we provide. A
traditional “Mailing list” for sending out catalogues, brochures and product updates,
an “Email List” that sends you this newsletter each month, and the new “Product
Giveaway List” we mentioned above.
If you would like to add your name to the “Product Giveaway List” and have a chance
at winning any month’s featured item, simply follow the link below to our mailing list
administration page. Once there enter the email address you used when you first
signed up to our mailing list. Following these steps will give you access to your
personal profile in our database and will allow you to select which of our mentioned
list’s you would like to join, or remove yourself from.
After you have selected the list(s) you would like to join click the SAVE button at the
bottom of your profile page, and you will be automatically added to those list!
TO UPDATE YOU PROFILE & JOIN THE “PRODUCT GIVEAWAY LIST” PLEASE
CLICK HERE: http://www.griefwatch.com/mailinglist/add_subscriber.asp
If you have any questions about our mailing list(s) please send your questions to
mailto:webmaster@griefwatch.com.
A Void IS A VOID
IS A VOID
By the Rev. John T. Schwiebert
The title of a book by theologian Stanley Hauerwas points to an excellent strategy for
those who are suffering the deep pain of personal loss. The book is entitled “Naming
the Silences.”
The dominant culture in America is uncomfortable with silences, especially in the
face of death, and so we try to fill silences in whatever way we can. Bereaved
persons and their friends may try to counter the emptiness they feel with chatter
about anything else except the one thing that is heavy on their minds. Another
favorite way to counter the emptiness is to try to fill the emptiness with some kind of
meaning, as if we could somehow lessen the pain of death by ascribing to it some
social or cosmic value. For example, “God needed my child to be with him in
heaven, and that’s why God “took her.” Or, “It is better that my mother died in her
60s while she was still healthy so as not to have to suffer the physical and other
difficulties that are a part of growing old.”
These declarations may seem on the surface to be helpful, but they seldom solve the
problem of grief at any fundamental level. The truth is that when you face a personal
loss you are looking into a real void, which nothing and no one can fill, least of all a
well-intended attempt at rationalization. It is better in the long run to see the void for
what it is—an empty place that will always be empty. It is better, in the words of
Stanley Hauerwas, simply to name the silence and embrace the emptiness you are
experiencing without attempting to replace it with something else.
Grieving is more about learning how to live with the silence and the emptiness, than
with trying to overcome it. It is just one year since my sister died of cancer, and
friends still ask me occasionally how Jim (her husband) is getting along. I tell them
what Jim himself has told me, “I’m getting along fine, AND, I’ve never in my life had to
struggle as hard as I’m struggling right now.” I think Jim is “getting along fine”
because he is not trying to distance himself from his loss, but is instead working with
it as something very real that will not, and ought not, be explained away.
Questions or comments? Please contact the author
Rev. John Schwiebert at mailto:john@tearsoup.com
PARENT SUBMISSION
Stop Crying
As we were out walking in the woods near her home, she said, “Wait till you see this
sign.” At that point we were at the bottom of a very steep climb to the top of the
path. The tall trees protected us from the sun. It was like we were in a timeless
protected space. No noise. No reminders of the world we came from.
Just as we were about to turn the corner of this dirt path to make our way back up
and out, I noticed some green and pink sprayed arrows leading the way. Almost like
what you see on the city streets when water mains are going to be dug and repaired.
Seemed strange out there in the woods. But I’m getting used to strange. We talked
as we climbed...of life, of death, of new beginnings. As we came to the clearing at
the top she said, “Look, over there at that rock.” And there for anyone who happened
by, sprayed on that rock in metallic green, were the words.
STOP CRYING.
“Who did that? Who was that meant for? Why was it there? What does it mean?“
She said she didn’t know.
It could have been a sign for someone else. But was it?
Signs are around all the time. Ten people can see the same sign and assume it was
meant for them. Ten other people can see it and not even be moved by it.
Sometimes we look for signs to help us make decisions that we don’t want to make.
Sometimes bereaved persons look for signs that let them know their loved one is all
right
She had been walking these hills for her entire pregnancy. Enjoying the fresh air, the
challenge of the strenuous climb. Wondering if there was a point when she could no
longer make the hard climb.
After her baby died unexpectedly in her arms shortly after his birth, she returned to
the hills to walk out her grieving time. There was familiar comfort in this solitude that
she shared with her first born.
Now it is time for another baby to make its journey to her heart. Was this sign telling
her to make room for the next little person? Or was this a thoughtless suggestion
that someone was imposing on her, telling her how she was supposed to act and
feel? Do you ever stop crying for someone you loved and lost?
Or, maybe it was a sign for me. Maybe it was telling me to stop whining about all
the terrible stuff I see in the world every day and to begin seeing the good that is also
all around.
Who put it there?
|
TEAR SOUP,
a recipe for healing
after
loss |
|
Grandy's Cooking Tips
|
|
If There Are Two Of You Cooking
1. Grief is unique to the individual. You may both experience the same loss,
but you won’t grieve in the same way. In other words, you are in it together, but you
are in it alone.
2. At first you may feel closer to each other than ever before. But that may
change the farther you get away from your shared loss.
3. Try not to judge each other.
4. Talk to each other when you can. |
|
5. Don’t let your partner be your only source of
comfort
6. Write each other notes.
7. It is normal to want others to grieve the same way you grieve and to
communicate the same way you communicate. But life is just not that easy.
8. Sexual desire may be affected. You both need intimacy, but not
necessarily sex. Talk about it.
9. Remember the past, hope for the future, but live in the present.
|
Tear Soup - Copyright Grief Watch 2001
Please Note:
Reprinted from Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss.
If you would like to share this recipe with others or include it in a support group or
newsletter, please include the following byline:
Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss
Copyright Grief Watch 1999
By Pat Schwiebert & Chuck DeKlyen
Illustrated by Taylor Bills
Home Page: http://www.tearsoup.com
email: mailto:info@tearsoup.com
Read More Of Grandy’s Tear Soup Tips.
Please visit http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tstips.htm
To learn more about Tear Soup please visit http://www.tearsoup.com/tearsoup/tsabout.htm
POEM –
It has been said
that my life has
treated me harshly;
and sometimes I
have complained
in my heart because
so may pleasures of
human experience
have been withheld
from me. But
when I recollect the
treasure of
friendship that
has been bestowed
upon me, I
withdraw all
charges against
life. If much has
been denied me,
much, very much
has been given to
me. So long as
the memory of
certain beloved
friends lives in
my heart, I shall say
that life is good.
-Helen Keller
HELPFUL LINKS - For Parents And Professionals
National SHARE Office:
http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/
The National SHARE Office is a non-profit organization and the hub for all SHARE
support groups around the country. If you are looking for an infant loss support group
or the local SHARE group in your area, this is a good place to start. Site also has
good information regarding parents’ rights and grief education.
A Place To Remember:
http://www.aplacetoremember.com/
Site includes a page for sharing, a remembrance book page, and a catalogue of
products on-line. Site also includes a resource section.
The Centering Corporation:
http://www.centering.org
The Centering Corporation has a large online and mail order selection of bereavement
titles and resources for your family.
Web Healing Discussion Page
http://www.webhealing.com/cgi-bin/main.pl
Tom Golden’s Web Healing site offers an online discussion board for grief topics as
well as a comprehensive bereavement links page.
For more bereavement sites and grief links please visit our Helpful Links Page at
http://www.griefwatch.com/links.htm
Tear Soup is one of the most helpful recipes for you and your family.
Find out why. http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tshome.htm
Want to learn more about Grief Watch?
Please visit our website http://www.Griefwatch.com
COMMENTS & SUGGESTIONS
Do you have an article, idea or suggestion for our newsletter? Our online community grows and becomes inspired everyday by your input. Please send your submissions or comments to
mailto:webmaster@tearsoup.com
This newsletter is the creation of Metanoia Peace Community-Grief Watch, Portland, Oregon. USA. The articles contained within are subject to all copyright
restrictions and are the property Grief Watch or their perspective
owners. If you would like to share this newsletter with others please do so. If you would like to reprint a portion of this newsletter for your organization or publications, please contact Chuck DeKlyen
mailto:webmaster@griefwatch.com
for permissions. Thank you.
Grief
Watch never sells or rents the names that it collects from it's
mailing lists.
Questions? See our privacy policy.
|
