In this issue you will find:

	Sometimes..
	Thoughts Along The Way
	Parent Submission – The Loss Of My Child
	New Books!
	Tear Soup Tips – Soup Making And Time
	Is GOD fiend or friend
	Poem- Lyrics To Song “Sometimes”
	Book Review – “Angel With The Golden Glow”
	Life After Loss
	Helpful Links & Websites
	Comments & Suggestions

Sometimes…
By Pat Schwiebert, R.N. – Executive Director

If anyone told you, or you assumed that grief is predictable, rational, or of short duration, you now know you were misinformed. In the course of your own grief you will experience feelings of ambivalence and anger, of total exhaustion and of wanting to do anything possible to change the outcome. One minute you may feel like taking a vacation hoping this will help you forget the 
loss and escape the pain; the next minute you’ll be feeling guilty about wanting to forget. Much of the time you may feel crazy. Don’t be afraid of these feelings. Don’t let yourself or anyone else tell you it’s not normal or okay to feel what you are feeling. You will feel better eventually, but right now you may just have to feel awful.

It’s no wonder people want to fix you. They want you to be more predictable. And they want you back to the way you were before your loss occurred, and the sooner the better.

You yourself would probably opt for a quick fix if that were an option. But grieving takes time—longer, sorry to say, than either you or your friends could ever imagine. And in the end you won’t be the same person you once were. You will emerge either bitter or better from having gone through this tragedy.

After enduring a crisis there is always a change. And it’s the person going through the crisis who determines the outcome. The circumstances of your life don’t dictate its outcome; you do.

“A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, 
but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.” - Hugh Downs

CAUTION
It is possible for grieving persons to develop an ongoing relationship with their pain—to become so accustomed to it that to one day perceive life as anything but sad and gloomy would be to experience yet another loss. In such cases grieving becomes a way of life. That once heavy coat of grief becomes comfortable. Those stuck in that kind of relationship with grief resent and resist efforts by others to help them move on. Be aware of this possible pitfall in your own grief process. No one else can tell you when it’s time to unpack some of the burdensome baggage of grief and to move on to a new level of experience. You alone will make that decision. Give yourself the time you need, but try not to let yourself get stuck in the process.

So what do you do?
1.Be kind and patient with yourself. If you are being inconsistent give yourself permission to be inconsistent.

2.Let your friends know you know you’re being inconsistent, that you’ve never experienced this dept of sorrow before, and that you are just as perplexed by the grief process as they are.

3.On those really ugly days, make sure you get some exercise, whether you feel like it or not. Run, walk fast, do aerobics, or put on some lively music and dance (all by yourself) for 20 minutes. It won’t take your grief away, but it will at least release some tension.

4.Remember, you are in charge.

Questions or comments? contact the author: Pat Schwiebert R.N. at pat@tearsoup.com

Thoughts Along The Way

“When you can’t change the world, you can learn to change your response to it.”

To learn more about Thoughts Along The Way please visit www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/thoughts.htm

Parent Submission – The Loss Of My Child
By Bernd Cox

My loss occurred on December 9th, 2001. My wife was 22 weeks and a couple days into her pregnancy. We were both starting to get excited. Doing the usual things, that most pregnant couples do. 

We had to go a different route. We had to go to a Fertilization Doctor. It’s ok. They understand the grief and hardship that women go through, or that couples go through. It’s hard on a relationship during these times. We chose to use this type of doctor after my wife had to have surgery so she could get pregnant. 

After seeing him, the fertility doctor tells the wife she needs to keep track of her temperature daily, marking it down on a sheet they provide. D-day arrives and the man’s only job is to donate his sperm. Oh man, and if you can’t, run, ’cause it will cause so much stress in your home. Of course, the man's feelings aren’t even considered. Yes we want to, but pressure isn’t the ideal situation to be put into when trying to give a donation so your wife may get pregnant. 

In my case, the first time went ok. You have to donate 2 times (two days in a row). The first day went great, did my job, off goes the wife to see the doctor and comes home with a smile on her face. The second day wasn’t so great; the sperm and everything surrounding the donation went wrong. The doctor was coming in especially for us ’cause it was a Saturday. I couldn’t perform the task and the time clock was ticking. The doctor was on his way, and the pressure was starting to drive my wife crazy. All she could think of was my sperm donation. I am sitting there trying, and she is asking can she help? I didn’t know how to respond to this, how? Finally, I became so frustrated I gave up and had to call the doctor and tell him I had failed 
in my most important mission of our so far happy marriage: I couldn’t donate. He understood and drove home. I, on the other hand, had to stay at home and take care of the damage I had caused by not being able to. Man, what damage it was. You could see the hurt and disappointment. It’s hard to understand till you go through this.

Here you are on the second try ’cause the first time you wait and wait, and finally it’s time to get the home pregnancy kit out. You anxiously await the results and, boom, it’s negative. Another day of not so good vibes. Of course things go through your head as man. My most important mission in life, and I failed. This runs through your mind, over and over! Finally you get the nerve to approach your wife and try to comfort her and she gives you this look and you know it’s better to stay away for awhile, or until she approaches you. 

That time clock is ticking in your wife’s head. She has to get pregnant. This isn’t a request; it’s definite. It’s all or nothing. So, off to the fertility doctor again. Same routine: temperature taking, and when it elevates you better donate for two day’s this time. Two days later, man I feel good. I did my part this time. I feel like a stud and am just thrilled cause I know I am on my wife’s “A” list. It’s the waiting that’s a killer. 

The day finally arrives; boom you’re in shock. She isn’t pregnant. Disappointment set’s in all over again. The husband is getting worried. Will his whole life’s mission come down to giving the wife donations every month, and then disappointment control? I was sure hoping this wouldn’t happen. This could damage our relationship, severely. 

Third try, and success. Man, it’s great in our home. I am the Stud! Yes, I am Man and I fulfilled my goals as far as my wife is concerned. Man as of this point, just sits back but this point is what we aren’t prepared for. Again we start worrying cause we have never went through all the changes of pregnancy causes women. 

Be aware of eating habits, mood changes. What the wife says, and usually means, is totally different than what she did at one time. Their whole disposition is different. I’ve heard with some women it’s like, bang, you wake up one morning and it’s as if your in the wrong household, and the women you slept with is totally a different, changed person. Well, with my wife it wasn’t that bad. No morning sickness. Yes, she was a bit sick, but no throwing up or anything like that. Heartburn, oh yes. I think we kept Rolaids in business for several months. All is going along great. We are a happy married couple who is pregnant.

We are cautious and careful. We get a small scare, go to the emergency room and all is ok! It brings everything into perspective. Caution sets in know. We are a bit concerned and yet move ahead. We pick out a baby girl’s and boy’s name. This is a serious thing to the woman - to find the perfect name that will reflect the child’s entire life. Either your parents were considerate, or didn’t give crap and your name stinks. Isn’t that how we as a whole look at peoples names? And it better be a name that fits well with the last name. So we search everything, books, Internet, libraries. This is important to the wife. We men don’t actually worry about this cause we’re macho and the name will come to us when the time is right. But you’d better pay attention ’cause this can get you into trouble; she wants you as worried about it as she is and you’d better make this a 
priority in your life. Finally you arrive at a name you both except. 

We are doing great in the pregnancy and we finally come out to our friends, family and just anyone. We’re pregnant. We go to stores and register for the all important baby shower. We let our friends know where we have registered. To men this doesn’t mean squat, but to the wife this is important. So beware, make it important even though it may not be. Make sure she sees its importance in your eyes.

It’s time to go to the doctor and have an ultrasound done. D-day has once more arrived. Will it be boy or girl? You and the wife anxiously wait while the selfish person doing the ultrasound does measurements and looks to see that all is going as planned. The whole time you want to just tell the person, whether they are an ultrasound tech or doctor, to get to the important stuff. Is it a Boy or Girl? Never thinking that what they are doing is important and more so then what you think at that time. They are thinking of the well being of the baby, and the mother and the husband are just wanting to know is it a boy or girl.

Finally the wait is over. It’s a boy. Yeah. There are times the couple doesn’t get the opportunity to see the gender of the child before hand. We were fortunate. We did. We had the perfect baby boy and we would name him Caleb William.

We walked out of there on cloud nine. I mean, we couldn’t feel the carpet. Excitement, joy, nervousness, anxiety and most of all just knowing that our baby was perfect. Can’t ask for anything better than that. Or can you?

Twenty-two weeks along and the unimaginable happens. My wife calls me from work and says she is feeling really bad. I tell her not to worry, just call the doctor and she can explain what’s going on. She says no. She doesn’t want to. She will tough it out; just like a man, she’ll tough it out. I smile and keep working. About two hours later, she is in distress. It’s there on the voice on the phone. The voice is different. There’s a pained sound. I tell her to come home and lay down. She comes home, uses the restroom, and hollers at me to call the doctor. 

Here’s where the pressure starts all over again. The worry, pain. We don’t know what is happening, except that she is spotting and that’s not good. Off I drive like a possessed person with no regards to the law, just as fast as I can to get my wife to the Emergency room so they can help her and do whatever they do. After entering the ER the lady tells us to go up to the 3rd floor OBGYN: the pregnancy floor. We step off the elevator and it looks like a mile to the nurse’s desk. My wife’s in pain, and we have a mile to walk. I’m worried and my wife is horrified ’cause she knows something is wrong. Her body, her feelings. Of 
course, women don’t talk a lot during these times. We as men need to talk to reason things out, so they make sense - but not women. They are totally different. 

So here we are, men, driving the wife and staff crazy asking all types of stupid questions that we think are intelligent. Of course the staff realizes that we are nervous and being well trained in this sort of thing tries to help us relax and calm down. It works for a while, but then we men start up again. Finally, the wife tells us to shut up and sit. Just like our mom’s did when we were boys. 

My wife’s in contractions, full-blown contractions. Even I know this isn’t good and is not what’s supposed to happen. I become even more worried and beside myself. At last the doctor comes in and tells us what’s up. She says my wife will be put on medicine that will help stop the contractions. She will be there for at least two to three days and maybe more. Time will tell. Here’s where the worrying and prayers come in. Support from friends and family sure helped us. Also, the staff at the hospital was great. I wish everyone could have had the nurses we had. God blessed us and they made this a little more bearable. I thank God for these sweet women who didn’t know us and we sure didn’t know them. They could have been rude, not so helpful and just systematic. Like robots. Understand, these nurses work usually 12-hour shifts and do this day in and out. Put yourself in their shoes. I wouldn’t want to. Yes, we say they chose this profession. We don’t think about how their day was before coming to work. Did they have a fight with the husband? is their child sick? or whatever goes wrong in daily life. All we want is someone who cares and will help. Yes, that is what they get paid for, but are we always service oriented towards our co-workers or boss? No. These nurses were great. They threw aside there own lives, stepped in, and took my wife under their wings of love, understanding and compassion. I know deep down that God had these women here for us and it was his way of showing his concern, love and hope for us and this baby boy my wife was carrying. 

Three days later, it turned for the worse and on December 9th, at 1:01 AM, my wife delivered our little boy. It was the hardest thing my wife and I ever went through. Yes, I cried and do every day over that sweet, perfect little boy. I know in my heart that he is in heaven playing with all those other kids and is happy. I hope and pray I never have these feelings again. I sure was mad at God and didn’t understand, but I guess that’s not for me to understand except to keep my faith, and hopefully keep going day by day. As for my wife and I, we are making it. Each day is better, and each day we have our moments whether it’s outside seeing someone with a baby or pregnant or on T.V. We are survivors and will try again. 

God bless our sweet little boy Caleb William and we love him!

Dad & Mom 

By bereaved father Bernd Cox
wegerbc1@hotmail.com  

New Books!

The following list of books are now in stock and being distributed by Grief Watch. If you have any questions about any of these titles please visit the web pages listed for each they're individual web pages or call our office for more information

The Angel With The Golden Glow 
By Elissa Al-Chokhachy and illustrated by Ulrike Graf

Based on a true story, The Angel with the Golden Glow is an award winning magical children’s tale about an angel’s brief journey to earth. The angel is chosen because of his special gift of healing. Whenever he shines his halo, sadness turns into love and his home overflows with love. For families who have loved and lost. For children who are born special. (Please See The Review In This Newsletter)
For More Info On This Title, Please Visit www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/angel_with_the_golden_glow.htm  

How Can I Help, Papa?
By Elissa Al-Chokhachy and illustrated by Ulrike Graf

An endearing story about nine-year-old Pumpkin and her beloved grandfather. When Papa becomes ill, Pumpkin discovers there are lots of little things she can do to help Papa feel better. She learns several invaluable lessons, such as it’s okay to express her feelings and that love never dies. How Can I Help, Papa? gently helps children and adults move through the inevitable loss of a loved one.
For More Info On This Title, Please Visit http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/how_can_i_help_papa.htm  

Companion Through The Darkness
By Stephanie Ericsson

Written from her own experience of personal grief, Stephanie Ericsson offers an intimate, profoundly touching guide for those in grief, legitimizing the complex and often taboo emotions we all feel when loss transforms our lives. In Companion Through The Darkness, Ericsson defines grief as the "constant reawakening that things are now different." Compelling, intimate and heartbreakingly truthful, this title provides a touchstone for all of those making their own journey through grief.  For More Info On This Title, Please Visit
www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/companion_through_the_darkness.htm   

  When Men grieve 
By Elizabeth Levang, Ph.D

This title explains how both men and their loved ones can better cope with feelings of loss. Throughout the book, eleven men share their personal stories of tragedy. Each essay is followed by gentle advice on how men can learn to communicate their feelings; get beyond denial; avoid falling into addictive behaviors; and overcome their anger, bitterness, and sense of helplessness. Women can use this book to learn how to effectively respond (rather than react) to the behaviors men show during the grieving process. 
For More Info On This Title, Please Visit: http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/when_men_grieve.htm  

The Death Of A Parent – Reflections for Adults Mourning the Loss of a Father or Mother
By Delle Chatman
Meditations by Rev. William Kenneally

Adult children, regardless of whether they are in their twenties or sixties or somewhere in between, often need to do much more than make the funeral arrangements. Intertwined with the grief process are many personal concerns that surface and need to be addressed.

The Death Of A Parent, is filled with stories of people who have lost a parent and how they dealt with the reality of that event. Eighteen different stories touch on the wide range of emotions and situations related to grief loss and moving on with ones life in a healthy manner. A spiritual reflection concludes each section.
For More Info On This Title, Please Visit http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/death_of_a_parent.htm  

The Death Of A Wife – Reflections for a Grieving Husband
By Robert L. Vogt

The Death Of A Wife is a collection of poignant reflections for a husband mourning the loss of his wife. Each of the thirty-one stories and poems considers a different facet of the grieving process. These insights will touch the heart, heal the soul and point out a new and hopeful direction for the reader.
For More Info On This Title, Please Visit http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/death_of_a_wife.htm  

The Death Of a Husband - Reflections for a grieving wife.
By Helen Reichert 

Any woman who has lost a beloved husband knows these feelings. Whether he died yesterday, last month, last year or a decade ago, the sense of grief lingers. It may change with the passing of time, the help of friends or new life circumstances, but the feelings of loss never end. 
For More Info On This Title, Please Visit http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/death_of_a_husband.htm  

Where’s Jess?
By Joy & Marv Johnson, illustrated by Shari Barum

A helpful book for children aged 3-7 that have had a sibling die. Where's Jess? is very simple and easy to understand book for children whose baby brother or sister lived for a time at home.
For More Info On This Title, Please Visit http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/wheres_jess.htm  

When Someone very Special Dies
By Marge Heegaard

A special book for kids to help them learn to cope with their grief. Designed to be colored in by the child reader. A practical format for allowing children to understand the concept of death and develop coping skills for life. For More Info On This Title Please Visit http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/when_someone_special_dies.htm  

A Beauty Born Of Suffering - Journal Of A Plague Year
By Malachy Grange, R.N. 

A Beauty Born Of Suffering is a chronicle of one year in the HIV/AIDS epidemic in America. A public health nurse weaves together intimate stories of suffering, struggle and redemption in his clients' gritty personal battles with AIDS.
For More Info On This Title, Please Visit: http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/A_beauty_born_of_suffering.htm 

Those Who Care - Conversations With AIDS Caregivers
By Malachy Grange, R.N. 

Those Who Care contains interviews with twenty front line HIV caregivers, from family and friends to nurses and social workers. At times, inspiring, heartbreaking, and funny, this title brings the reader face to face with the daily realities of caring for a dying person and the struggle to find meaning in the face of suffering and death.For More Info On This Title, Please Visit http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/those_who_care.htm  

A Tiny Boat At Sea -How to help children who have had a parent diagnosed with cancer 
By Izetta Smith, MA 

When a parent is diagnosed with cancer, the illness and treatment can be stressful for the whole family. Parents almost always express the concern for the well-being of their children. A Tiny Boat At Sea is most helpful for parents who are reflecting in their quite moments. This booklet is easy to use and touches on all the important points on how to support children without burying the information in pages of explanation. 
For More Info On This Title, Please Visit http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/a_tiny_boat_at_sea.htm  

Tear Soup Tips From Grandy  - Soup Making And Time…

1.) Grief work takes time. Much longer than anyone wants it to.

2.) If a child or spouse dies it may be a year before the bereaved begins to gain a sense of stability, 
     because the loss is highlighted by each season, holiday, anniversary or special day. 
     The second year is not so great either.

3.) You may be okay one minute but the next minute you may hit bottom.

4.) Nighttime can be particularly difficult. Some people have trouble getting to sleep while others have trouble
    staying asleep. An then there are those who don't want to wake up.

5.) Most people can tolerate another's loss for about a month before wanting the bereaved person to get 
     back to normal.

Read More Of Grandy’s Tear Soup Tips:  Please visit http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tstips.htm  
Reprinted from Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss. 
To learn more about Tear Soup please visit http://www.tearsoup.com  
Copyright Grief Watch 2001

IS GOD FIEND OR FRIEND?
By Rev. John T. Schwiebert

It is not unusual for a person in deep grief to feel abandoned, if not abused by God. Our impulse in the face of deep loss may be to want to hold God responsible for the loss—to say, as did Mary of Bethany, following the death of her brother Lazarus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (John 11:32) After all, we reason, if God is all-powerful, then God must be held accountable for negligence in failing to prevent the loss, or maybe even for causing it. And we begin to see God as our enemy.

But there is another way to view God through our experience of grief. And that is to see the omnipotence (all-powerfulness) of God not as the divine ability to do everything we think we need, such as to be spared from loss, but rather the ability to sustain us through our grief when loss does occur, without giving up. In this view God is not the enemy in our time of loss, but the faithful friend who never forgets what we’ve been through, and who never stops loving and caring for us in our grief, even when other friends forget.

This view of God as caring friend is expressed in the following hymn by Mary Nelson Keithahn, which we sang at the memorial service for my sister, following her death from cancer several months ago. I find this hymn to be a real comfort because it speaks of God’s perpetual love and care, without minimizing the very real pain of grief.

When we are called to sing your praise
With hearts so filled with pain
That we would rather sit and weep
Or stand up to complain,
Remind us, God, you understand 
The burdens that we bear; 
You, too, have walked the shadowed way
And known our deep despair.

When we are called to sing your praise
And cannot find our voice,
Because our losses leave us now
No reason to rejoice,
Remind us, God, that you accept
Our sad laments in prayer;
You, too, have walked the shadowed way
And known our deep despair.

When we are called to sing your praise 
And life ahead looks grim,
Still give us faith and hope enough
to break forth in a hymn,
a thankful hymn, great God of Love,
That you are everywhere;
You walk the shadowed way with us
And keep us in your care. 

Questions or comments? Please contact the author
Rev. John Schwiebert at john@tearsoup.com 

Poem – Lyrics to the song “Sometimes”
By Pat Schwiebert & Julia McCarl

Sometimes the puddin’s too thick.
The toast is too brown.
Or I look up too quick 
I see me wearin’ frown.

But sometimes I can’t help but grin
And let the good times in.
Everything seems so clear.
I’m so glad to be right here.

Sometimes I’m caught in a storm
Or I step on a tack.
I wish I’d never been born.
All I want to do is look back.

But sometimes I stand up tall
Even though my back’s to the wall.
I’m gonna celebrate what I’ve got
And let go of what I’m not.

Sometimes I think I can’t cope.
Sometimes I feel there’s no hope.
Sometimes I’m not sure what’s real.
Sometimes I’m too scared to feel.

Sometimes I can’t find my keys.
The needle won’t thread.
Sometimes I’m down on my knees. 
Sometimes I just lie in bed.

And sometimes the mystery
Is way too much for me.
I’m gonna live life as it comes
I won’t forget where I’ve come from.

Sometimes…
I said sometimes.

Copyright 1992 Perinatal Loss
Music by Julia McCarl & Tim Gilson
Originally Published in “Momma” 
a book and audiotape set from Perinatal Loss 
For More Info Please Visit: http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/momma.htm  

Book Review

The Angel With The Golden Glow 
By Elissa Al-Chokhachy and illustrated by Ulrike Graf

An endearing story for all ages based on the true heartfelt story about a special little boy and his family.

The Angel with the Golden Glow is a story about an angel's brief journey to earth. He is born with a special gift of healing. Whenever he shines his golden glow, sadness disappears and magically turns into love! He brings this gift to his family and his home overflows with love!

Before leaving for earth, The Angel with the Golden Glow shines his halo so brightly that his best friend's sadness disappears. "Don't be sad," he tells his friend. I'm off to share my love with the world. Remember, I'll always love you... whether we are together or apart... one from the other. One day, you too will be chosen and then you will understand."

The Angel with the Golden Glow teaches the importance of living every moment of life. The unconditional love and courage he shares with his family is truly remarkable. Join this angel on his journey and discover the power we all have to warm the hearts of those we touch. 

As you and the children in your life experience The Angel with the Golden Glow, it will evoke discussion and help instill the basic premise, "everyone has a purpose."

For more information on this title, author & illustrator please visit:
http://www.angelwiththegoldenglow.com  

The Angel With The Golden Glow:
Copyright 2001 The Penny Bear Company: www.pennybear.org
Original illustrations Copyright 1999 Ulrike Graf

Life After Loss: - How The Death Of A Baby Changes You Forever
By Ann Douglas

During those intensely painful days after my daughter Laura was stillborn five years ago, I remember feeling that I was at a crossroads in my life-that two separate paths lay before me: I could either let this tragedy destroy my life and break my spirit or I could find a way to make something positive come out of my daughter's death. 

Fortunately for me, I inherited the stubborn gene from my parents, so giving up on life really wasn't a viable option for me. So, by default, I gravitated toward the second alternative: finding a way to make something good come out of this most searing of losses.

While I would never have wished this on myself-the death of a baby is too big a price to pay for any personal growth experience-I have been forever changed by the experience of losing Laura. In many ways, I'm a better person than I was before that fateful day five years ago when a tiny piece of my heart was forever broken.

For one thing, I'm more compassionate. I feel an immediate bond with any parent who has experienced the death of a baby as well as anyone else who is grieving the death of someone significant in their life, be it a spouse, a parent, or a close friend. My volunteer work with grieving parents and the articles and books I've written on miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death have allowed me to make a difference in the lives of other parents who've experienced the tragedy of losing a much-wanted baby. That means a lot to me.

In terms of other ways I've been affected by the death of my daughter, I'd say I'm more aware of what it feels like to be really connected to someone-heart-to-heart and soul-to-soul. I have a very special friend whose baby died shortly after mine did. The two of us spent a lot of time together in the weeks that followed, sharing our grief about the babies who would never come home. We don't see each other as often these days-we've both insanely busy with work and family-but each time we meet for lunch, it's like we've never been apart. That speaks to the powerful bond that we developed during the most nightmarish time of 
our lives.

Another perk: I'm less of a control freak. After all, I've learned the hard way that some things are out of your control-and some things can't be fixed, no matter how desperately you want to put the pieces back together again. As a card-carrying Type A, it's been healthy for me to learn to let go of things-well, at least a little!

Along the same vein, I've come to terms with my fear of death. Being forced to deal with the death of my child has forced me to confront my own mortality. As a result, I'm more at peace with the knowledge that life doesn't last forever-and more inclined to make the most of today.

I've also learned how to put things in perspective. A leaky ceiling, a missed deadline, a squabble with my husband, or a minor fender bender no longer qualify as a crisis for me. I now save the "crisis" label for the real life-and-death situations.

Finally, I'm better able to celebrate the wonder in everyday life. Rather than looking forward to that magical day when my mortgage is paid off, I reach my goal weight, and I have a book or two on the bestseller list (hey, a girl can dream, can't she?), I'm more inclined to delight in what's happening in the here and now: to savor the joy I feel when my youngest child, Ian, hugs my leg and says, "I really love you, Mom" and to enjoy the way my heart lifts when the telephone rings and there's a special friend on the other end of the line. 

These are just a few of the gifts that Laura gave to me during her brief journey through my life. These gifts are her legacy to me.

Ann Douglas, author, 
TRYING AGAIN: A GUIDE TO PREGNANCY AFTER MISCARRIAGE, STILLBIRTH, AND INFANT LOSS 
(Taylor Publishing, 2000) and THE MOTHER OF ALL PREGNANCY BOOKS (Hungry Minds, 2002)
email: pageone@kawartha.com  
web site: http://www.having-a-baby.com  
phone: 705-742-3265

Helpful Links For Parents And Professionals

National SHARE Office
http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/index.html  
The National SHARE Office is a non-profit organization and the hub for all SHARE support groups around the country. If you are looking for a infant loss support group or the local SHARE group in your area, this is a good place to start. Site also has good information regarding parents rights and grief education.

Web Healing Discussion Page
http://www.webhealing.com/cgi-bin/main.pl  
Tom Golden’s Web Healing site offers an online discussion board for grief topics as well as a comprehensive bereavement links page. 

The Centering Corporation 
http://www.centering.org 
The Centering Corporation has a large online and mail order selection of bereavement titles and resources 
for your entire family. 

For more bereavement sites and grief links please visit our Helpful Links Page at http://www.griefwatch.com/links.htm  

Tear Soup is one of the most helpful recipes for you and your family. 
Find out why. http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tshome.htm  

 Comments & Suggestions

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