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IN THIS ISSUE YOU WILL FIND:
From The Director Of Grief
Watch
Readers Response
Thoughts Along The Way
New Release! – The Tear Soup Video
Managing Anger In Grief
February Special - The Rainbow Butterfly
T-shirt
Poem- Transitioning
Fun Story – Caller ID
Helpful Links & Websites
Comments & Suggestions
Unsubscribe Information
FROM THE DIRECTOR OF GRIEFWATCH
Pat Schwiebert, R.N. – Executive Director
After you have experienced a significant loss, life as you once knew it has come to
an end. You are bombarded with new feelings, often of a magnitude that you haven’t
experienced before, and this can be scary to you and to those around you. The
despair is deeper. The anger is more severe. The mood swings are like tidal waves.
Your life seems out of control. Later, as you look back over the process you will
realize the truth: You are the same person, and yet a very different person than you
were before this loss.
Few of us at the beginning of our grief are able to say, “Let the torment begin. Bring
on the pain. I know its just part of the grieving process I must endure.” The desire to
stop the hemorrhaging of our broken heart and prevent more pain from doing more
damage may be a survival technique on our part.
Our natural tendency is to withdraw from that which hurts us rather than to lean
toward the pain. Recoiling is an automatic response to danger. And most of our
friends will want to rescue us if they see us hurting rather than to sit beside us in
what appears to be a fire that will surely consume us. But if we are to do more than
just survive this terrible pain, we must at some point make choices that will allow
grief to do its work.
Consider how fire burns away impurities and refines a piece of silver to make it even
more precious than before the process had begun. Grief is the fire that will redefine
our lives, refine us and cause us to examine our priorities, burning away the
unimportant things in our lives and making us stronger in the end, if we are willing to
stay in the fire until the work is complete.
You will be a different person having experienced a significant loss in your life. You
will shine in a new way and your interpersonal properties will be more valuable to
those around you because of the person you are becoming. You didn’t choose this
path, but you do have a choice about how you will allow this loss to affect your future.
Everything that happens
is your teacher.
The secret is to learn
to sit at the feet
of your own life
and be taught by it.
Polly Berends.
Questions or comments? Contact the author Pat Schwiebert R.N. at mailto:pat@tearsoup.com
READERS RESPONSE
The following is a reader’s response to the article “Grief Is Like”, published in the GW
Newsletter Vol. 2, Issue 9. To review that article please visit –
http://www.griefwatch.com/articles/grief_is_like.htm
What is Grief?
Grief is to comprehend words like final and everlasting. It is a glimpse at your own
death. It is to fear that joy will never spring out from under loss. It is to regret things
said and unsaid, for not meeting each loving glance with gratitude. It is to long to be
held, to be touched only by the space around you. It is to try to hold yourself. It is to
fear that grief is a like a rock, never to melt, never to transform. It is to miss all that
have died, to imagine their voices in vibrations of sound. It is to find how to
forgive—no who-did-what-to-whom. It is to try to forgive yourself. It is to try to be kind
to yourself, for part of you, too, has died. It is to discover what you didn’t know
counted, how you defined your life. It is to learn that tears can be triggered by
anything, even a box on a grocery shelf. It is to be grateful when the dead visit your
dreams. It is to feel guilt for still being alive, for laughter, for sometimes forgetting. It
is to learn when to talk, or when to keep silent, or to force a smile. It is to know that
love should not be taken for granted, that it is all you truly want, all you truly can give,
and finally all that counts. To know it bone-deep.
Submitted by Paula Lifschey
THOUGHTS ALONG THE WAY
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“ If there we no joy how could we bear the suffering?
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To learn more about Thoughts Along The Way please visit :
http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/thoughts.htm
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NEW
RELEASE!!!
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The highly anticipated Tear Soup video has arrived!
RELEASE DATE: JANUARY 31, 2003
The poignant story and engaging illustrations that have made
Tear Soup a treasured book for people of all ages are given new life in this
special video version.
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The Tear Soup Video
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Viewers will find themselves returning again and again to this moving portrayal as part
of the ongoing process of healing from grief.
Families, professionals, educators and support groups will all benefit from the
insights and comfort provided in this helpful production.
For a limited time Grief Watch will be offering the special release price of 25% of
each video! Take advantage of the release special we have going on our website and
reserve your copy today.
To order a copy through our secure website and save 25% ,
click here- http://griefwatch.com/detail.asp?product_id=video01
For more information about the Tear Soup video please visit:
http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/video.htm
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MANAGING ANGER IN
GRIEF
By Rev. John T. Schwiebert
Anger is recognized as a very natural part of the grief process. If
one’s loss has a clear cause—e.g. criminal negligence, or, as in our
current national crisis, the action of a “terrorist,”--the anger will be
focused on the perpetrator. If there is no clear human cause the
anger may be directed at God, or at anything and everything.
The anger itself is healthy, but not if it leads to an obsessive and organized agenda of hatred and revenge.
The story is told of a Native American elder who was telling his grandson about his feelings following a recent loss. “I feel as if I have two wolves fighting within myself, one is hateful and vengeful, the other is loving and compassionate,” he told his grandson.
“Which one will win?” the grandson asked.
“The one I feed,” the grandfather replied.
The challenge for us when we experience anger in grief is how to feel the anger, without repressing it, yet not allowing the anger, and the desire for revenge, to consume us.
Reading the Psalms in the Bible can help us with this challenge. In many of the psalms, the writer gives vent to fierce anger. In Psalm 137, for instance, the psalmist addresses the nation that destroyed Jerusalem:
“O daughter of Babylon, you devastator!
Happy shall they be who pay you back
what you have done to us!
Happy shall they be who take your children
and dash them against the rocks.”
These are very real and deep felt feelings. The important thing to note, however, is that they are offered in the context of prayer. For the psalmist is not actually proposing to carry out revenge as a means of assuaging grief. He is merely uttering the feelings in the presence of a God who understands and accepts how he feels.
We too may find it helpful to see prayer as a place where we can be honest about our anger, but also a place where we can leave our anger, allowing God to help us manage the anger and eventually to let it go.
Reprinted from the Grief Watch Newsletter Vol. 1 / Issue 2.
October 2001.
Questions or comments? Please contact the author
Rev. John Schwiebert at mailto:john@tearsoup.com
To learn more about Metanoia Peace Community Please Visit Our Website at -
http://www.griefwatch.com/metanoia
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FEBRUARY SPECIAL
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The NEW Rainbow Butterfly T-Shirt! |
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What the caterpillar calls the end of life, the Master calls the
butterfly
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The Rainbow Butterfly T-Shirt is modeled directly after our traditional Rainbow
Butterfly and is a nice way to add a little color and a positive message to someone’s
day. A Rainbow Butterfly has been pressed onto a white cotton T-shirt with the
quote “What the caterpillar calls the end of life, the Master calls the butterfly” printed
above.
For a limited time Grief Watch will be offering these colorful T-shirts for the special
price of $10.00! (plus shipping) Normally priced at $15.00 each, these limited
quantity shirts will be moving fast. Order one for you and a friend today!!!
The Rainbow Butterfly T-shirt is available in sizes Medium, Large, X-Large, XX-Large
and XXX-Large. Youth sizes are available on request.
To order your Rainbow Butterfly
T-shirt please visit the following order page on our
website. Your order will be electronically processed and confirmed to you once
submitted to us. http://www.griefwatch.com/detail.asp?product_id=tshirt02
Please allow two weeks for delivery.
Offer expires February 28, 2003. |
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POEM –
Transitioning
By A. Ball
Our Creator,
making plans, could see
that everything must have
no more than its own span of time,
the birthing, flowering and then demise of it
to keep creative energy alive,
the cyclical renewal of the universe.
Sometimes I wonder
what He had in mind
to for us as we are,
we creatures clinging closely
to the ones we love,
when all the world
is made for cycling –
the smallest mites, the plants,
our human kind and even mountains
form and grow and then degrade.
What a paradox we people are!
We worship a Creator,
perfect, as we say
but yet we wish to change
His grand designs of life and death.
Do we divide ourselves from God
by seeking to redraw His universal schemes?
Embrace the stream
of God’s creative force, my soul.
Align with Him
in Whom we live and breathe and die
and have our being evermore.
A. Ball
March 2000
FUN STORY
Caller ID
Isn't it amazing how God works in our lives!
On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and decided to
call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn't
answer the phone. The pastor let it ring many times. He thought it was odd that she
didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes.
When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn't
answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their house.
They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.
The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office,
which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with
wanted to know why he'd called on Saturday night. The pastor couldn't figure out
what the man was talking about. Then the man said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't
answer."
The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife.
The man said, "That's OK. Let me tell you my story. You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I
prayed, 'God if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.'
At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and
it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer!"
The reason why it showed on the man's caller ID that the call came from "Almighty
God" is because the church that the pastor attends is called Almighty God
Tabernacle!!
If you believe that God answers prayers then share this story with a friend!
God bless.
HELPFUL LINKS - For Parents And Professionals
National SHARE Office:
http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/
The National SHARE Office is a non-profit organization and the hub for all SHARE support groups around the country. If you are looking for an infant loss support group or the local SHARE group in your area, this is a good place to start. Site also has good information regarding parents’ rights and grief education.
The Centering Corporation:
http://www.centering.org
The Centering Corporation has a large online and mail order selection of bereavement titles and resources for your family.
Glory Babies:
http://www.childrenareagift.com/glorybabies/index.htm
Based in Tyler, TX the Glory Babies support group and website is the ministry work
of the Children are a Gift Foundation. Site includes support group info, helpful links,
newsletter and memorials
For more bereavement sites and grief links please visit our Helpful Links Page at
http://www.griefwatch.com/links.htm
Tear Soup is one of the most helpful recipes for you and your family. Find out
why, http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tshome.htm
Want to learn more about Grief Watch? Please visit our website http://www.Griefwatch.com
COMMENTS & SUGGESTIONS
Do you have an article, idea or suggestion for our newsletter? Our online community grows and becomes inspired everyday by your input. Please send your submissions or comments to
mailto:webmaster@tearsoup.com
This newsletter is the creation of Metanoia Peace Community-Grief Watch, Portland, Oregon. USA. The articles contained within are subject to all copyright
restrictions and are the property Grief Watch or their perspective
owners. If you would like to share this newsletter with others please do so. If you would like to reprint a portion of this newsletter for your organization or publications, please contact Chuck DeKlyen
mailto:webmaster@griefwatch.com
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