In this issue you will find:

	So What Does A New Year Mean?
	Thoughts Along The Way
	New Product! – Support Cards
	Tear Soup Presented With National Award!
	Tear Soup Tips – For the grieving Male
	Living In The Tension
	Questions To Ponder…
	Poem- My Husband Sighs by Kara L.C. Jones
	Tear Soup To Go!
	Helpful Links & Websites
	Comments & Suggestions

So what does a New Year mean?
By Pat Schwiebert, R.N. – Executive Director

In simplistic terms when life was uncomplicated by grief it meant starting over…a clean 
slate…making resolutions to clean up our act. Some of us like the feeling of getting a fresh start 
and forgetting the past. We like believing that, during this next year, things will be better.

But when we are grieving, our tendency is to stand at the threshold of a new year looking back 
rather than forward. We fear that to walk through that door into a new year means leaving our lost 
loved one behind. To move on seems like an act of betrayal of or abandonment of the one we love. 
There may also be a fear of forgetting, or maybe a fear of letting go. We experience a 
contradiction: we want to feel better, but at what cost? 

Remember, January 1, 2002 is just another day. It has no meaning or power except the meaning 
we choose to give to it. Acknowledging our special needs as grieving persons, we can choose to 
make softer resolutions for the new year—resolutions that can still be challenging, yet are not 
unrealistic. Why not frame your New Year’s resolutions in terms of hope for a gentler year; for 
gaining control of your emotions, for better understanding of the grief process and what we can 
learn about ourselves as we journey thru it? Why not resolve to enter into a future that can be 
good, even though it lacks all that we might desire, and offers a hope that we will be at peace with 
sorrow and enjoy life even though we grieve. 

We’ve learned a lot this past year. We have experienced corporate, public grief, following the 
September 11 attacks. And we have experienced personal grief. We know we are not the only 
ones who grieve, though sometimes we have felt all alone. And still we survive, even though at 
times we questioned if the struggle was worth it. We have tasted the bitterness of loss but have 
not allowed it to destroy us. And together we will rise out of the ashes of grief and say YES to 
life. None of us can do it alone. We need each other to lean on and celebrate our newness.

Questions or comments? contact the author 
Pat Schwiebert R.N at pat@tearsoup.com  

Thoughts Along The Way

Hope is the desire for something and the expectation of achieving it.
Hope is looking at the same thing…but with a new perspective.

To learn more about Thoughts Along the Way please visit 
http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/thoughts.htm  

New Product: Support Cards
A New Resource To Help In Times Of Grief…

100 Questions To Help You Move Through The Murky Waters Of Grief

Sometimes we need help figuring out the questions to ask ourselves so we don’t get stuck going over the same issue in our head as we grieve.

Support Cards can be used to “create your own counseling session” with your partner. Here’s how it can work. Read a question out loud. Respond to it. Your partner listens to your thoughts and 
then when you are finished talking, your partner gets to share while you listen.

Support Cards can expand your own understanding of how the death of your loved one affects all aspects of your life.

If you are a support group leader these cards can be used as a program for the evening, or a help 
to jump-start a meeting. Support Cards are also a helpful tool for someone who is facilitating a 
group meeting in your place, when you are unable to be there! 

EXAMPLE OF CARDS:

- How did I view the world before my loss and how do I view it now? 
- How do I think my loved one would want me to grieve for him/her?
- What is the hardest part of my grief?
- What am I learning about myself as I grieve?
- How does my grief affect my daily life and activities?

To learn more about Support Cards please visit:
http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/supportcards.htm  

Tear Soup Presented With National Award!

Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss was recently recognized nationally and presented with 
the BEST CHILDRENS BOOK OF THE YEAR award by the Association of Theological 
Booksellers. 

We were delighted last week when one of our distributors, ACTA Publications in Chicago called to 
give us the good news. 

While Tear Soup is certainly modeled after a children’s book with it’s bright illustrations and easy 
to read format, it breaks the mold and is described by most as a “family book”. We have long 
known that children’s books provide an excellent format for teaching, but they also heal as they 
speak to the inner child in all of us. And this is exactly what Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after 
loss does.

With it’s fiction format and universal story, Tear Soup works for every member of the family. It is 
truly ageless! When asked what age group it works for, we like to say 4 – 104 yrs old!


To learn more about Tear Soup and to purchase a copy for your family, please visit; 
http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tshome.htm  


To learn more about the award and view an article published in Publishers Weekly, please visit: 
http://publishersweekly.com and do a search for Tear Soup.

Tear Soup Tips From Grandy- If You Are A Male Chef

Tear Soup Tip # 1. 
The world may not see you as the bereaved person that you are. Because of your gender, in our 
society you may be seen only as the support person-a role you probably play very well.

Tear Soup Tip # 2.
If you have been taught from an early age that "big boys don't cry," you may feel ashamed of your 
own tears. Other people may also be uncomfortable with your tears.

Tear Soup Tip # 3.
Don't hold your grief in. Find a safe place or someone who is not afraid of your grief.

Tear Soup Tip # 4.
People may tell you how strong you are when you hold in your grief. Don't confuse grieving with 
weakness and not grieving with strength. In fact, holding grief in is very hard on your body and can 
weaken your health.

Tear Soup Tip # 5.
Gender does not determine your grieving style, but it may affect the way you grieve.

Tear Soup Tip # 6.
Assume that your initial response to grief is the right response for you at the time. Try not to 
behave as others think you should--but as you need to.

Read More Of Grandy’s Tear Soup Tips Online. 
Please visit http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tstips.htm  

Reprinted from Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss. To learn more about Tear Soup please 
visit http://www.tearsoup.com  
Copyright Grief Watch 2001

LIVING IN THE TENSION
By the Rev. John T. Schwiebert


Not all the Christmas story is about joy and happiness. Like our own lives as grieving persons, 
the story includes sadness and suffering along with rejoicing, grief as well as grace.

According to the story, King Herod, desiring to destroy the infant Jesus but unable to locate him, 
“killed all the children in and around Bethlehem who were two years old or under.” (Matthew 2) 
For the Gospel writer this atrocity calls to mind a passage from the Hebrew Bible that says:

A voice was heard in Ramah.
  wailing and loud lamentation,
     Rachel weeping for her children;
       she refused to be consoled
          because they were no more.

Thus were many parents in Judea left to grieve because of the death of their children. Yet Mary 
and Joseph were spared this pain because of a dream warning that other parents did not receive. 
The unfairness of this outcome will be obvious to anyone who has lost a child. “Why did my child 
die, and other children did not? Why am I left with this unrelenting sorrow while other parents, no 
better or worse than I, are even now cuddling their living, breathing offspring?

There are no easy answers to these questions. Who could fault grieving parents for feeling 
resentment and hostility because of the hand that life has dealt them? For there is a certain 
arbitrariness and unpredictability about the way loss is distributed, with some given to suffer more 
than others.

But perhaps we can appreciate that the Bible does not provide answers that are easy and 
therefore false. Perhaps we can recognize that the Bible simply records the bad with the good, 
including this story about the violent, politically motivated death of children along with the story of 
the birth of a holy child who offers hope for a sick and twisted world. Thus the Bible story invites 
us to live in the tension between grief and grace, between suffering and salvation, between despair 
and hope—and possibly to discover that the God whose name is Love, is present, suffering with 
us, helping us to find the way through to healing.

Questions or comments? Please contact the author
Rev. John Schwiebert at john@tearsoup.com 

Questions to ponder…

Where do the screams go that nobody hears?
How long will these screams stay inside me?

Poem - My husband sighs
excerpted from the book Flash Of Life
by Kara L.C. Jones

We drive North
persistently
on Aurora
stop light to stop light
and my husband sighs
a long quiet whisper
telling the world how he grieves
for his dead infant son,
three weeks gone.

Another traffic light
turns green, says
“You may proceed,”
and my husband sighs
a sharp twisted breath
that aches the way
his arms must ache
to hold the baby we lived with
for nine whole months.

And we pull in to our
housing complex limping
quietly and slowly
over speed bumps
and my husband sighs
a roller coaster breath
that quickly rises and falls
just like our expectations
rose as the due date drew near
and then came crashing down
when my son’s heart stopped.

And once inside our home
I drag my tired bones
to bed where I sleep
next to the marble jar
full of my son
and my husband sighs
slowly, carefully
not wanting to disturb the ashes.

My husband tucks me in,
says he can’t sleep yet,
wants to fight the bad guys
on one of his flight sim games
and as he hugs me tightly,
my husband sighs
heavily blowing the air
of grief around the empty
spaces of our bedroom
that used to hold a
changing table, a
crib, a gliding rocker.

He closes the door,
off to conquer
the simulated Universe,
and the dark
closes in around me—
a room away, I hear it,
my husband sighs
a frustrated, impatient breath,
it has been a long time
since we slept together
making love under a blue moon,
it has been a long time
since he looked at me
and saw a lover,
for a long time I was
becoming a mother,
for a short time I have
been a banshee,
and every time my husband sighs,
my wailing gets louder.


By Kara L.C. Jones
Learn more and visit her web site at 
http://www.kotapress.com 

Tear Soup To Go! - Donating books to victims of tragedy. 

Tear Soup To Go!, is a new program instituted by Grief Watch to directly assist the families of the devastating events and tragedies throughout the country. Through this program, individuals can directly touch the lives of those that are in their most personal hour of need. By giving to the Tear Soup To Go book donation program, a donor has the opportunity to directly help the individuals affected and to give them the feeling of hope, comfort and community. 

How The Program Works:

The Tear Soup To Go! program donates new copies of the book Tear Soup, a recipe for healing 
after loss to families, individuals and organizations that are assisting those directly involved, those 
that are suffering the most. In a short period of Sept 15th - October 15th 2001 the program sent 
out over 500 copies to grieving families in New York and at the Pentagon. A tax-deductible 
contribution to the program CAN make a difference and assist the bereaved along their painful 
journey.

Donations are received through Metanoia Peace Community - Grief Watch, Portland Oregon. 
Everyday, Grief Watch receives calls from organizations around the country that are working 
overtime to assist bereaved individuals. Churches, schools, bereavement counselors and 
companies that the victims worked for or attended, are stretched to their capacity trying to assist 
and comfort families. As organizations call Grief Watch, names are gathered, matched with 
donors from around the country and copies of Tear Soup are sent out.

How You Can Help Out:

If you would like to be a part of the Tear Soup To Go! program, please visit the Tear Soup To Go! 
donation page at http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/togo.htm  

If you have any questions regarding your tax deductible donation or would rather talk to a live 
person to hear about some of the recent requests for assistance, please call 503-284-7426. 

Helpful Links For Parents And Professionals

National SHARE Office
http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/index.html  
The National SHARE Office is a non-profit organization and the hub for all SHARE support groups 
around the country. If you are looking for a infant loss support group or the local SHARE group in 
your area, this is a good place to start. Site also has good information regarding parents rights 
and grief education.

Web Healing Discussion Page
http://www.webhealing.com/cgi-bin/main.pl  
Tom Golden’s Web Healing site offers an online discussion board for grief topics as well as a 
comprehensive bereavement links page. 

The Centering Corporation 
http://www.centering.org 
The Centering Corporation has a large online and mail order selection of bereavement titles and 
resources for your family. 

For more bereavement sites and grief links please visit our Helpful Links Page at 
http://www.griefwatch.com/links.htm  

Tear Soup is one of the most helpful recipes for you and your family. 
Find out why. http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tshome.htm  

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