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IN THIS ISSUE YOU WILL FIND:
From The Director Of Grief Watch- "Grief
Is Like..."
Thoughts Along The Way
Helpful Product – Holiday Bereavement Cards
Sharing God’s Grief
Tear Soup Tips – If your friend is the one making Tear Soup
Poem- Caitlin’s Poem
Tear Soup September Special!!!
Join The FREE Product Giveaway List!
Helpful Links & Websites
Comments & Suggestions
FROM THE DIRECTOR OF GRIEFWATCH
Pat Schwiebert, R.N. – Executive Director
Grief Is Like…
One of the difficulties bereaved persons face is how to explain to us how they FEEL
when they are grieving. What does it FEEL like to be in the skin of a bereaved
person? Is it similar to other experiences in our life? Is there a way we can relate on
some level to the pain of grieving persons when we are not grieving ourselves.
Most people can’t allow themselves to go to the place where they could actually see
themselves in the dark hole of grief. We don’t want to believe it would be that bad for
us, that we have the inner resources to minimize grief’s hold on us, unlike our
grieving friends. But if we can just connect their feelings with some feelings that we
have experienced ourselves, then maybe, just maybe, we can begin to comprehend
the impact of grief on a person’s life. Then, after you connect with any of these
feelings you need to remember to multiply your own feeling times x100 to get closer
to the bereaved person’s experience.
Here are some feelings that I’ve experienced while grieving or that I’ve heard other
bereaved persons describe.
Grief is like wearing a very tight fitting pair of shoes that you cannot take off. Just as
you can think of nothing else but your hurting feet because of these shoes, so also in
your grief you can think of nothing else but your loss. You cannot get away from it.
It is your main focus of attention. And your whole body begins to hurt too. Your face
will also reflect the pain you are feeling. Grieving is a whole body experience.
Grief is like being in a bubble. You are no longer a part of the world around you.
Everything sounds muffled. You hear conversations, but it’s like the words have no
meaning. Nobody can reach you. There is an uncomfortable distance that has been
created between you and those who don’t understand grief.
Grief is like looking through a one-way window. You can see others, but they can’t
see you. You feel invisible to others. It’s hard to understand how the world can go
on when your life has stopped.
Grief is like having a heavy weight on your chest. You have trouble breathing.
Sometimes your body takes deep sighing breaths in an attempt to get more oxygen.
Sometimes you have anxiety attacks. And your heart actually aches. The location
of your grief spot is right under your sternum close to your heart. It’s no wonder that
your chest hurts.
Grief is like wearing a heavy coat with all of the pockets full of rocks.
The grief literally weighs you down and slows you down. Grief is not only emotionally
exhausting, but physically exhausting also. Because the warm glow of life is not
pulsing through your body you may find it hard to keep warm. After awhile that heavy
coat of grief will begin to feel comfortable and you may decide you don’t want to take
it off.
Grief is like being a traveler on a high-jacked plane. It is as if you have been taken to
a foreign land where you do not know the language or the culture. Soon you learn
you can never return to the world as you knew it. Grief can be pretty scary. You do
not want to be there. You probably don’t know how to grieve and you may not know
what is expected of you. When you try to speak to your friends, they may not
understand you. Your friends know you have “gone away” for a while, but they
assume you will return and be the same old you they once knew. But then you
begin to realize you will never return to that place again and that others may never
know or understand this.
Grief is like the stages of love: first falling in love and being totally preoccupied by
your new love, then becoming comfortable as you begin to trust that your love will
always be with you. In grief, as when you first fall in love, your heart longs to be with
the person who’s died. Your desire to touch him or her is overwhelming. Most other
parts of your life seem unimportant in comparison. Then slowly, normal life begins to
creep back in and you find that your grief no longer demands the high maintenance
that it first required. You will have created a special space in your heart where you
can carry this departed loved one with you at all times, even as you go about other
things.
Death ends a lifetime, but not a relationship.
I welcome hearing other ways you relate to how your grief feels.
- Pat
Questions or comments? Contact the author Pat Schwiebert R.N. at mailto:pat@tearsoup.com
THOUGHTS ALONG THE WAY
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“Grief is a process.
Recovering is a choice.
Grief is the price we pay for love.
But we don’t have to pay the price forever.” |
To learn more about Thoughts Along The Way please visit :
http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/thoughts.htm
| HELPFUL
PRODUCT: |
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Holiday
Bereavement Cards
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Holiday Bereavement Cards For Parents & Professionals
HOLIDAY GREETING CARDS that carry an important message from bereaved
parents to their friends and acquaintances.
These holiday greeting cards allow you to reach out to those important, but not so
distant persons in your life--persons who may not have known about your pregnancy,
nor heard about your loss. These greeting cards allow you not only to offer to such
persons the traditional greetings of the season, but also, at the same time, to tell of
your sadness, to thank persons who have been there for you, and/or to give others
permission and encouragement to support you in your grief during this difficult holiday
season.
To order or learn more about these beautiful cards please download one of our order
forms from our website.
PARENT’S HOLIDAY CARD ORDER FORM
http://www.griefwatch.com/downloads/parent_xmas_cards.pdf
PROFESSIONAL
HOLIDAY CARD ORDER FORM
http://www.griefwatch.com/downloads/pro_xmas_cards.pdf
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Sharing God's
Grief
By Rev. John T. Schwiebert
“For a long time after my child died, I was very angry with God,” she told me. “But now that has changed.”
“Why were you angry,” I asked.
“Because I felt a God who would give me the child I had longed for and prayed for, and then take her away so soon, was not a God who cared about me. I felt used and abused, especially since I had always tried to be faithful to God, had been regular in worship in my church, and had always tried to reach out in love and service to other people. I was so angry that I stopped going to church. I just couldn’t stand to hear the minister and other people talk about God’s love, while I was feeling so abandoned by God.
“But now you say that has changed,” I said. “How has it changed?
“Well,” she said, “I still feel some anger. But my anger is not so much directed against God. It’s more diffuse. It’s like I’m angry at the general unfairness of life, but I don’t blame God for it like I did at first.”
“Interesting,” I said. “How did you come to let God off the hook?”
“I was reading my Bible one day. Force of habit I guess, a habit I returned to after several months during which my Bible remained unopened. I was reading the story, in the Gospel of Mark about the centurion who had just watched Jesus die. He said, ‘Truly this man was God’s Son’”
“Suddenly it dawned on me: If Jesus was God’s child, then God is a bereaved parent, just like me. God experienced grief that was similar to the grief I am experiencing now, because of the death of my child.” And since we are also God’s children, God feels bad when we die too, or when any one of us suffers because of the death of a loved one.”
“So you and God, are friends now, instead of enemies, I said, smiling.
“Yes,” she said, smiling back. “When it comes to grief, God and I understand each other!”
Questions or comments? Please contact the author
Rev. John Schwiebert at mailto:john@tearsoup.com
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TEAR SOUP,
a recipe for healing
after
loss |
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Grandy's Cooking Tips
If Your Friend is the one making Tear Soup |
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If your friend is the one making Tear Soup
1) Be there for your friend, even when you don't understand.
2) Be a source of comfort by listening, laughing, and crying.
3) Stick close to your friend and defend their right to grieve.
4) Allow your friend to make mistakes... or at least to grieve differently from
the way you would grieve.
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5) Send flowers. Send money if you know this would help.
6) Send cards. The message doesn't need to be long. Just let them know you
haven't forgotten them. Send one every few weeks for a while.
7) Call your friend. Don't worry about being a bother. Let your friend tell you if
they don't want to talk about their loss right now.
8) Answering machines and e-mail are great ways to keep in touch, allowing
the bereaved person to respond only when they feel up to it.
9) Try to anticipate what your friend may need. Bereaved persons sometimes
don't know what to ask for.
10) Avoid offering easy answers and platitudes. This only invalidates the grief.
Be patient. Don't try to rush your friend through their grief.
11) Give your friend permission to grieve in front of you. Don't change the
subject or tell them not to cry or act uncomfortable when they do cry.
12) Ask them questions. But don't tell them how they should
feel.
13) Invite your friend to attend events together, as you normally would. Let
them decide if they don't want to attend.
14) Don't assume because your friend is having a good day that it means they
are over their loss.
15) Be mindful of holidays, birthdays and anniversaries.
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Please Note:
Reprinted from Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss.
If you would like to share this recipe with others or include it in a support group or newsletter, please include the following byline:
Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss
Copyright Grief Watch 1999
By Pat Schwiebert & Chuck DeKlyen,
Illustrated by Taylor Bills
Home Page: http://www.tearsoup.com
email: mailto:info@tearsoup.com
Read more of Grandy’s Tear Soup Tips.
Please visit http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tstips.htm
To learn more about Tear Soup please visit http://www.tearsoup.com/tearsoup/tsabout.htm
POEM –
Caitlin’s Poem
You are deep within our souls, you always will be,
Beautiful, precious, silent but free
You touched us without moving, you spoke without words,
You saw how we loved you, we cried and you heard
We danced but a moment, we sang out your song,
The gift of your life could never be wrong
You’ve changed us forever, your message unclear,
Thank you sweet baby, for brining us here
The gifts that you send us sometimes must be,
Moments we search for, things we can’t see
Your light still burns brightly, joys replaced pain,
We continue to miss you, our lives not the same
We remember you always, our love for you grows
You continue to teach us, as our journey unfolds.
By Sally Sweeney
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TEAR SOUP NOVEMBER
SPECIAL ! ! !
An offer only for our special customers & newsletter subscribers!
FREE SHIPPING
ON TEAR SOUP SINGLE ORDERS THROUGH 12/15/02
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THE DETAILS........
Buy one copy of Tear Soup at the regular price and receive FREE shipping on that order.
Have you ever considered giving Tear Soup as a special gift to a friend in need?
Do
you know someone who is having an especially hard time with the
Holiday season fast approaching?
Tear Soup makes a wonderful gift for friends who are hurting. With its universal
message and beautiful illustrations, the title comforts those who are grieving the loss
of anyone or anything special in their life.
Take advantage
of this special offer today
and we will ship a copy of Tear Soup directly to your friend!
For a limited time Grief Watch will be offering FREE shipping on single copy orders. That is a savings of $4.75! Take advantage today! This is a limited time offer which expires
12/15/02.
If you would like to take advantage of this special offer please call our office at 503-284-7426 and we will process and ship your copies within 24 hours. Please mention this offer at the time of your order.
You can also email order requests to mailto:webmaster@griefwatch.com
* offer expires December 15, 2002
* offer applies to retail sales only
To learn more about Tear Soup please visit http://www.tearsoup.com/tearsoup/tsabout.htm |
JOIN THE FREE PRODUCT GIVEAWAY LIST!
Several months ago we instituted a new program within our website that aims to bring awareness to our bereavement resources by giving away FREE helpful products in a monthly drawing. The entries for this drawing are pulled directly from a new “Product Giveaway List” that is open to all of our customers and newsletter subscribers.
To take part in this special program and have your name included in the drawing each month, all you have to do is add your name to our “Giveaway
List.” It’s that easy! Each month we enter the names on this list into a special drawing where we give away a FREE item from our product catalogue. These items often include our
handmade ceramic Remembering Heart, Love Stones, the Rainbow Butterfly, or Support Cards.
This months drawing is for a FREE Rainbow Butterfly. You can learn more by visiting: https://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/butterfly.htm
Currently we maintain three separate lists for our subscribers to choose from. Each uniquely different, they let subscribers customize the services we provide. A traditional “Mailing list” for sending out catalogues, brochures and product updates, an “Email List” that sends you this newsletter each month, and the new “Product Giveaway List” we mentioned above.
If you would like to add your name to the “Product Giveaway List” and have a chance at winning any month’s featured item, simply follow the link below to our mailing list administration page. Once there enter the email address you used when you first signed up to our mailing list (this would be the same email you received this current newsletter
edition at). Following these steps will give you access to your personal profile
in our database and will allow you to select which of our mentioned list’s you would like to join, or remove yourself from.
After you have selected the list(s) you would like to join click the SAVE button at the bottom of your profile page, and you will be automatically added to those list!
TO UPDATE YOU PROFILE & JOIN THE “PRODUCT GIVEAWAY LIST”
PLEASE CLICK HERE: http://www.griefwatch.com/mailinglist/add_subscriber.asp
If you have any questions about our mailing list(s) please send your questions to
webmaster@griefwatch.com.
HELPFUL LINKS - For Parents And Professionals
National SHARE Office:
http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/
The National SHARE Office is a non-profit organization and the hub for all SHARE support groups around the country. If you are looking for an infant loss support group or the local SHARE group in your area, this is a good place to start. Site also has good information regarding parents’ rights and grief education.
Grief Net:
http://www.griefnet.org
An Internet community of persons
dealing with grief, death, and major loss.
Site has several email support groups and monitors several
websites. Their companion site,
http://www.kidsaid.com provides
a safe environment for kids and their parents to find information
and ask questions.
The Centering Corporation:
http://www.centering.org
The Centering Corporation has a large online and mail order selection of bereavement titles and resources for your family.
For more bereavement sites and grief links please visit our Helpful Links Page at
http://www.griefwatch.com/links.htm
Tear Soup is one of the most helpful recipes for you and your family. Find out
why, http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tshome.htm
Want to learn more about Grief Watch? Please visit our website http://www.Griefwatch.com
COMMENTS & SUGGESTIONS
Do you have an article, idea or suggestion for our newsletter? Our online community grows and becomes inspired everyday by your input. Please send your submissions or comments to
mailto:webmaster@tearsoup.com
This newsletter is the creation of Metanoia Peace Community-Grief Watch, Portland, Oregon. USA. The articles contained within are subject to all copyright
restrictions and are the property Grief Watch or their perspective
owners. If you would like to share this newsletter with others please do so. If you would like to reprint a portion of this newsletter for your organization or publications, please contact Chuck DeKlyen
mailto:webmaster@griefwatch.com
for permissions. Thank you.
Grief
Watch never sells or rents the names that it collects from it's
mailing lists.
Questions? See our privacy policy.
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