From the Director
	Thoughts along the way
	Tear Soup To Go!
	Tear Soup tip from Grandy
	Spiritual Insight- managing anger in grief
	New Book in Spanish!
	Poem
	Helpful links & websites

FROM THE DIRECTOR
From the desk of Pat Schwiebert, Executive Dir. Grief Watch

It's been a six weeks…seems like forever…but sometimes seems like yesterday, since the world, as we knew it changed before our eyes.  For some the images of terror still fill every waking moment and for  others there is some distancing beginning to happen. That's the  disparity of grief. Some people get to move on and only look back  from time to time and shake their heads in sadness, while others have  to slowly wade through the dark, murky waters of grief trying to find  something to hold on to.

As I look back on our support groups this past month I notice how  much 911 has affected those who were already in the midst of their  own grief before the national tragedy took center stage. The disaster  may have taken place in Washington, New York and Pennsylvania. It  may have been other families that have to grieve the loss of loved ones, but it didn't go unnoticed. Those grieving images we saw on TV  brought to the forefront of those in our support groups those frozen  frames when they got the life changing news that death ultimately  brings.

Some admitted they paid little attention to the details of the day.  They simply did not have the energy to take it all in. Others were  keenly aware of what the survivors would be facing in the aftermath  of this tragedy. While still others, who shared that date as the day  their own world ended, hated the fact they had to share it with a  "madman." 

People expressed more fear and wanted their family close by. It was  a big reminder of how little control we do have on so many levels.  Many felt their own grief was minimized by the enormity of the loss in  Washington, Pennsylvania and New York. And there was opening of  old wounds to have a closer look at their grief from a new perspective. 

That's how grief goes. We don't get to grieve in a vacuum. We can't  contain it in a little box that promises not to touch anything else in our  lives. Grief is like air. When our grief box gets opened, like when we  see others hurting, grief just insidiously is there spilling out into the  rest of our thoughts, taking us back down an old familiar path. 

Your grief meets mine. My grief meets yours. And we become  friends…and the world gets smaller.  

Questions or comments? contact the author. 
Pat Schwiebert R.N.
Email: pat@tearsoup.com 

THOUGHTS ALONG THE WAY

Receiving comfort is like having a meal. It tastes great…but soon you  are hungry again. After a day of not eating, your body doesn't  remember that it had a nice meal just a day ago. All you feel is  hunger pains. And so it is with grief. One meal of comfort will not  satisfy our continuing need. We crave more.

To learn more about Thoughts Along the Way 
please visit  http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/thoughts.htm  

TEAR SOUP TO GO! 

Donating books to victims of tragedy. 

Tear Soup To Go!, is a new program instituted by Grief Watch to directly assist the families of the devastating September 11, 2001 attack and other tragedies throughout the country. Through this program, individuals can directly touch the lives of those that are in their most personal hour of need. By giving to the Tear Soup To Go book donation program, a donor has the opportunity to directly help the individuals affected and to give them the feeling of hope, comfort and community. 

How The Program Works:

The Tear Soup To Go! program donates new copies of the book Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss to families, individuals and organizations that are assisting those directly involved, those that are suffering the most. In a short period of Sept 15th - October 15th 2001 the program sent out over 500 copies to grieving families in New York and at the Pentagon. A tax-deductible contribution to the program CAN make a difference and assist the bereaved along their painful journey.  

Donations are received through Metanoia Peace Community - Grief Watch, Portland Oregon. Everyday, Grief Watch receives calls from organizations around the country that are working overtime to assist bereaved individuals. Churches, schools, bereavement counselors and companies that the victims worked for or attended, are stretched to their capacity trying to assist and comfort families. As organizations call Grief Watch, names are gathered, matched with donors from around  the country and copies of Tear Soup are sent out.

How You Can Help Out:

If you would like to be a part of the Tear Soup To Go! program, visit the Tear Soup To Go! donation page: http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/togo.htm

If you have any questions regarding your tax deductible donation or would rather talk to a live person to hear about some of the recent requests for assistance, please call 503-284-7426. 

TEAR SOUP TIPS FROM GRANDY 

Grandy's Cooking Tips:

1) Grief is the process you go through as you adjust to the loss of anything or anyone important in
    your life.

2) The loss of a job, a move, divorce, death of someone you love, or a change in health status are
     just a few of the situations that can cause grief. 

3) Grief is both physically and emotionally exhausting. It is also irrational and unpredictable and can
    shake your very foundation.

4) The amount of "work" your grief requires will depend on your life experiences, the type of loss, and
    whatever else you have on your plate at that time.

5) A sudden, unexpected loss is usually more traumatic, more disruptive and requires more time to
   adjust to.

6) If your loss occurred through violence, expect that all the normal grief reactions will be
   exaggerated.

7) You may lose trust in your own ability to make decisions and/or to trust others.  

8) Assumptions about fairness, life order, and religious beliefs are often 
   challenged.

9) Smells can bring back memories of a loss and a fresh wave of grief.

10) Seasons, with their colors and climate, can also take you back to 
     that moment in time when your world stood still.

11) You may sense you have no control in your life.

12) Being at work may provide a relief from your grief, but as soon as you get in the car and start driving home you may find your grief come flooding back.

13) You may find that you are incapable of functioning in the work environment for a short while.

14) Because grief is distracting it also means you are more accident-prone.

15) The object of grieving is not to get over the loss or recover from the loss but to get through the
      loss.

16) Over the years you will look back and discover that this grief keeps teaching you new things
      about life. Your understanding of life will just keep going deeper. 

Reprinted from Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss.
To learn more about Tear Soup please visit http://www.tearsoup.com/tearsoup/tsabout.htm  
Copyright Grief Watch 2001

SPIRITUAL INSIGHT

Managing Anger In Grief  by Rev. John T. Schwiebert

Anger is recognized as a very natural part of the grief process. If one's loss has a clear cause-e.g. criminal negligence, or, as in our current national crisis, the action of a "terrorist,"--the anger will be focused on the perpetrator. If there is no clear human cause the anger may be directed at God, or at anything and everything.  

The anger itself is healthy, but not if it leads to an obsessive and organized agenda of hatred and revenge. 

The story is told of a Native American elder who was telling his grandson about his feelings following a recent loss.

"I feel as if I have two wolves fighting within myself, one is hateful and vengeful, the other is loving and compassionate," he told his grandson.

"Which one will win?" the grandson asked. 

"The one I feed," the grandfather replied.

The challenge for us when we experience anger in grief is how to feel the anger, without repressing it, yet not allowing the anger, and the desire for revenge, to consume us. 

Reading the Psalms in the Bible can help us with this challenge. In many of the psalms, the writer gives vent to fierce anger. In Psalm 137, for instance, the psalmist addresses the nation that destroyed Jerusalem:

"O daughter of Babylon, you devastator!
Happy shall they be who pay you back
what you have done to us!
Happy shall they be who take your children
and dash them against the rocks."

These are very real and deep felt feelings. The important thing to note, however, is that they are offered in the context of prayer. For the psalmist is not actually proposing to carry out revenge as a means of assuaging grief. He is merely uttering the feelings in the presence of a God who understands and accepts how he feels.  

We too may find it helpful to see prayer as a place where we can be honest about our anger, but also a place where we can leave our anger, allowing God to help us manage the anger and eventually to let it go. 

Questions or comments? Please contact the author
Rev. John Schwiebert E mail: john@tearsoup.com

NEW BOOK! - 

Now available in Spanish!

Una Memoria Demasiado Temprana by Pat Schwiebert R.N.
(Too Soon A Memory)

A guide for parents suffering a miscarriage.

By the author of When Hello Means Goodbye, this sensitive booklet gives practical information for a couple facing grief following a miscarriage. This booklet will validate those who will be deeply affected by the loss, as well as those who will move quickly through their grief. Helpful medical information and grieving tips are included.

To Learn More about Una Memoria Demasiado Temprana please visit 
http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/tsam_spanish.htm  

This title is also available in English, Too Soon A Memory.
Learn more at http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/tsam.htm  

POEM - Lima

I called you Lima
Cause that's what you were
Just a little human bean
Sprouting arms and legs, hands and feet.
A mere seed planted within me
You had your work to do.
And so did I.
And as I nurtured life in you
The desire to be a mother also grew.

Lima,
You no longer grow within me
Your growing season for reasons
Unknown was cut short.
Yet you fertilized a desire in me 
That didn't die with you.

Reprinted from 
Too Soon A Memory, a guide for parents suffering a miscarriage. 
By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.

To learn more about this title please visit:
http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/tsam.htm  

HELPFUL LINKS FOR PARENTS & PROFESSIONALS

The Dougy Center - http://www.dougy.org/   
The national center for grieving children and their families. The Dougy Center website offers tips on how to assist children of all ages through their grief. Their website has helpful topics like how to 
help kids "When Death Impacts A School" or "Kids & Funerals".

The Triplet Connection- http://www.tripletconnection.com/  
A non profit organization that supplies the parents of triplets, quadruplets, and more, vital information for the challenges they face. The organization also offers encouragement, resources, and networking opportunities for families who are parents of multiples.

Web Healing Discussion Page - http://www.webhealing.com/cgi-bin/main.pl  
Tom Golden's Web Healing site offers an online discussion board for grief topics as well as a comprehensive bereavement links page. 

Tear Soup is one of the most helpful recipes for you and your family. 
Find out why. http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tshome.htm  

HEY YOU! - Do you have an idea or suggestion for this newsletter? Our online community grows and becomes inspired everyday by your input. Please send your submissions or comments to: webmaster@tearsoup.com 

If you stumbled upon this newsletter and like what you see, you can add your name to the 
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This newsletter is the creation of Metanoia Peace Community-Grief Watch, Portland, Oregon. USA. The articles contained within are subject to all copyright restrictions. If you would like to share this newsletter with others PLEASE do so. If you would like to reprint a portion of this newsletter for your organization or publications, please contact Chuck DeKlyen E mail: chuck@tearsoup.com for permissions. Thank you.