Grief Watch Newsletter
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Grief Watch Email Newsletter September 14, 2001 Volume 1 Issue 1: Edited by: Metanoia Peace Community, Portland OR We welcome your input regarding this newsletter, so please see the contact information near the bottom to submit your comment or tip! In this September issue you will find: - Letter to our community - What is Grief Watch? - Tear Soup tip from Grandy - Spiritual Insight - Thoughts along the way - Poem - Helpful links & websites Letter to our community By Pat Schwiebert, RN This is our first newsletter for Grief Watch. We had promised to get this first issue out this week and we had also planned that it would just be a general introductory type and a welcome to the Grief Watch community. And came Tuesday, September 11th (or as some have referred to it, “911”). We were stunned and glued to our TV as a drama unfolded like nothing we had ever witnessed before. It was a tragedy of the magnitude that only those who have been in active combat can relate to. We had grown up thinking we were safe and that “war” happens somewhere else. Three days later the news of the tragedy still dominates our conversations, our thoughts, and our prayers. Many people relate grief only to death. However, grief is the process we go through as we readjust our lives to whatever it is we have lost. We grieve whenever we lose anything in which we have invested our time, our money or our hearts. Anytime we care, we set ourselves up to grieve if that something or someone is taken away from us. Today even those who did not lose a loved one grieve because of this tragedy. Make no mistake. The depth and the length of grief for those who lost a loved one this week, and even more so for those whose loved ones are still and perhaps permanently missing, will be huge in comparison to the other losses connected with this week’s tragedies. But the grief reactions we all experience will be similar. Here is just the beginning of a list of things that will cause us to grieve because of the tragedies of this week: Loss of loved ones who died Loss of health due to permanent injury Loss of status Loss of a job or livelihood Loss of friends Loss of a sense of safety Loss of trust in others Loss of shelter Loss of financial security Loss of innocence (especially for our children) Loss of our nation’s invulnerability Loss of the world as we knew it Some of us on the other side of the country will soon be able to resume our lives and will seem less affected by this tragedy than our brothers and sisters in New York and Washington DC. Many of their lives are literally at a standstill. Their world as they knew it has been shattered. Ours may have been only disrupted and inconvenienced. It could be easy for those of us with some distance from the sights and smells of grief to busy ourselves and get on with our daily routines rather than confront our own grief. That in itself would be tragic. Grief work is hard and dirty. We are masters at sidestepping things that make us uncomfortable. Sometimes we don’t like what we see in ourselves and others. But it’s the facing of these things that allows us to grow and change. If we embrace the grief, it can help our hearts to grow and expand and become more capable of love and compassion. Venting must occur before coping & healing can begin. The advice I would offer to myself and others is simply this: Take time to be still. Let the silence speak to you. Listen to each other. Be careful how you to react when someone expresses an opinion about the tragedy that is contrary to what you believe. Remember that grief can be irrational and appear selfish. Say what you need to say in order to fully express your grief. But at the same time, ask yourself: Am I speaking out of fear (hate) or compassion (love)? And remember that our children are listening, watching, and learning from our behavior. There will be more questions than answers. But don’t be afraid of that. The tragedy we have just experienced will affect us the rest of our lives in ways that we don’t even yet know. We will come out healthier if we can allow ourselves to be refined by the truth that will come to us as we wait. At the same time, please remember that there are others whose loved ones have died or have experienced other personal tragedies in our own communities, unrelated to the events in New York and Washington, DC. And remember that watching other people grieve on TV can be a catalyst that intensifies our grief from previous losses. We must be gentle with ourselves and others. Submitted by
Pat Schwiebert RN pat@tearsoup.com
What is Grief Watch? About GRIEF WATCH Having visited our web-site you already know that Grief Watch is a not-for-profit publisher of resource materials to help person who are struggling with the reality of personal loss. What you may not know is that Grief Watch is also a labor of love created and maintained by residents of an intentional living community know as the 18th Ave Peace House. And the Peace House family is in turn connected to a United Methodist congregation, Metanoia Peace Community, here in Portland, Oregon. In future issues of this on-line newsletter we’ll introduce to you the persons in this living community and others who together do the work that keeps Grief Watch going and growing. You will discover that our mission extends beyond just supporting people who have already suffered a loss of some kind. We are also devoted to participation in organized efforts which address the systemic injustices within our society that are the source of unnecessary grief and loss—for all of us, but especially for the poor and marginalized. Our name, “Grief Watch,” recalls the biblical story in which Jesus, filled with agony and grief in anticipation of his own death, chides his companions who have fallen asleep during his ordeal. Jesus says to them, “Could you not watch with me for one brief hour?” (Matthew 26:40) In the light of this story our aim at Grief Watch is to be fully present with you while you are grieving—to stay awake with you as you face the painful reality of you loss. And, as we indicated earlier, we also aim to watch out for those situations where future loss might be prevented by changes in our society’s priorities and procedures. If you have questions about Grief Watch you may write to us at metanoia@tearsoup.com. For more information about the 18th Ave Peace House or Metanoia Peace Community UMC, please visit http://www.tearsoup.com/metanoia.
Tear Soup tip from Grandy “ Remember the past, hope for the future, but live in the present. ” - Grandy To learn more about this title, please visit http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tshome.htm Reprinted
from Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss.
Spiritual Insights By Rev. John Schwiebert, john@tearsoup.com This planned regular feature in this newsletter will address the spiritual issues that you our readers may be facing as you deal with your personal grief and loss. Here we will explore answers to such honest questions as “How could God do this to me?” or “How can I trust God anymore, since my world is falling apart?” or “Where is God when I need God?” As the host of this column I do not intend to play the role of the theological expert or “answer man.” Instead I see myself as the moderator of an ongoing discussion in which you the readers bring questions, but also share your experiences. And as it seems appropriate I will offer my own gentle observations reflecting my experiences extending over 36 years of pastoral ministry in United Methodist congregations and my current involvement with the work of Grief Watch. Although my own theological positions may be apparent in the things I write, my intention is not to promote a particular sectarian agenda. I simply want to facilitate a dialogue in which differences in theology are respected, but in which we can also challenge each other to grow in our faith and understanding. Even if you do not participate in the activities of organized religion or even think of yourself as a religious person, as you enter into grief you will probably find yourself confronting spiritual realities and coming up against spiritual questions. These are inescapable given that we are all spiritual as well as physical beings. If you have a question you would like to see us deal with in future issues of this newsletter, or if you have an experience you would like to share about your faith (or loss of faith) in connection with your loss, you may contact me at john@tearsoup.com
Thoughts along the way “
The question is not who is the enemy, but
what is the enemy? ” To learn more about the title, please visit http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/thoughts.htm Reprinted
from Thoughts Along The Way.
Poem - Please Don’t Tell Them You Never Got To Know Me. By Pat Schwiebert. It is I whose kicks you will always remember, I who gave you heartburn that a dragon would envy, I who couldn’t seem to tell time and got your days and nights mixed up, It is I who acknowledged your craving for peach ice cream by knocking the cold bowl off your belly, I who went shopping and helped you pick out the “perfect” teddy bear for me, I who liked to be cradled in your belly and rocked off to dreamy slumber by the fire, It is I who never had a doubt about your love, It is I who was able to put a lifetime of joy into an instant. To learn more about the title, please visit http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/whmg.htm Reprinted
from: - By Pat Schwiebert RN. & Paul Kirk, MD. Copyright Perinatal Loss 2001, all rights reserved.
Helpful links & websites In light of the recent tragic events, the following sites might be helpful to you and your family.
For more bereavement sites and grief links please visit our HELPFUL LINKS PAGE Respectfully Submitted, Chuck DeKlyen - Web Master Email: webmaster@griefwatch.com
Mailing Address Info: Grief Watch - Perinatal Loss Metanoia Peace Community 2116 NE 18th Ave, Portland Oregon 97212, USA phone: 503-284-7426 fax: 503-282-8985
Tear Soup is one of the most helpful recipes for you and your family. Find out why. http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tshome.htm
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