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IN THIS ISSUE YOU WILL FIND:
From The Director Of Grief Watch
Thoughts Along The Way
Helpful
Product –The Rainbow Butterfly
9/11
Anniversary Is Opportunity For Unfinished Grief
Reader
Submission – “The Most Important Part Of The Body”
Tear Soup Tips –
Grief & Time
Poetry
Tear Soup September Special!
Join The FREE Product Giveaway List!
Helpful Links & Websites
Comments & Suggestions
FROM THE DIRECTOR OF GRIEFWATCH
Pat Schwiebert, R.N. – Executive Director
In order to get through this thing called grief
You have to work
You have to be tough
You have to have skin
You have to be willing to be different
You have to take charge
You have to be willing to say yes
You have to trust
You have to forgive
You have to be amazed
No wonder it’s called grief work!
A common metaphor for grief is “being lost,” and rightly so. You probably never felt
so lost in all your life as when your first faced the reality of your loved one’s death.
And as you have most likely discovered, along the journey of grief signposts warning
you of danger are few and far between. You’ve most likely spent a fair amount of
time groping about in the dark for a way out. But you will not always feel lost. Your
desire and determination to find your way home will finally get you there.
And just where is “home” for the person who is grieving? How will you know you have
arrived? In this case, home is that subdued place in your heart where you feel cozy
and safe and to which you can return from time to time, cherishing the memories of
your loved one’s life and being able to say, “it did matter that you were.” It’s a place
where it’s okay if you’re the only on who remembers - -where you won’t let others’
fading memories diminish your own sweet recollections and gratitude.
“Look out life, I’m comin’ on through” is what it’s all about. Your journey has been to
learn how to give into grief without giving up on life. It’s been a process of going
through the fire, without hesitating in the middle so long that the heat destroys you.
Life has been tough, and even unfair, but the past is the past and you can’t go back
and redo it. All the woulda’s, coulda’s and shoulda’s you can conjure up won’t
change what has been. That doesn’t mean you have to forget the past. It’s
good-even helpful—to look over your shoulder occasionally. But don’t allow yourself
to stare incessantly at what you’ve left behind.
Even though you know life is hard, you can also discover that life is wonderful. But
you are the only one who can finally make that discovery for yourself, though others
would like to think that they could do it for you. The yes to life will come from within
you. Happiness is an inside job.
Your task now is to accept yourself for who you are and what you will become. It’s
through acceptance, not through fighting or anger or repulsion that the change will
come. As you let go of the past you will learn to embrace the future.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth
And you learn and learn
With every death you learn.
Anonymous
Questions or comments? Contact the author Pat Schwiebert R.N. at mailto:pat@tearsoup.com
THOUGHTS ALONG THE WAY
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“ The morning…is the worst.
The afternoon…is barely tolerable.
And the night is…unending” |
To learn more about Thoughts Along The Way please visit :
http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/thoughts.htm
| HELPFUL
PRODUCT: |
| The
Rainbow Butterfly |
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"
What the caterpillar calls the end of life,
the master calls the butterfly "
The above saying is
inscribed in purple ink above the rainbow colored
butterfly. Comes mounted on a frame matte board.
Size 8in. x 10in.
The Rainbow butterfly makes
a nice thank you gift for volunteers, friends or guests.
For bulk orders please contact
us.
To learn more please visit: http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/butterfly.htm
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9/11 ANNIVERSARY IS OPPORTUNITY FOR UNFINISHED GRIEF
By the Rev. John T. Schwiebert
In my article in last month’s newsletter I made this observation: “Grieving is more
about learning how to live with the silence and the emptiness, than with trying to
overcome it.” We would do well to remember this as we prepare to meet the first
anniversary date of the losses sustained by the people of the United States on
September 11, 2002.
Unfortunately, in the immediate aftermath of 9/11, the hurried impulse to blame and
to punish the killers and their accomplices complicated the process of grieving,
perhaps not so much for the immediate relatives of those who died in the attacks, but
certainly for the rest of us who suffered other losses, such as the loss of a trust in
our national invincibility and the loss of a sense of personal safety and security.
In retrospect it probably would have been more helpful if we as a nation had given
ourselves more time to “live with the silence and the emptiness” we felt in the
immediate aftermath. We needed more space to be able to acknowledge and to
mourn what we had lost. Instead we were encouraged to deny the depth of our loss,
and even to believe that if we quickly cleared away the rubble and struck back
militarily at persons and groups we identified as “terrorists,” our sense of loss would
somehow be lessened and our pain diminished.
Operating with an unfortunate win/lose mentality, some voices even suggested that to
acknowledge that we had lost anything would be to admit that the terrorists had won. The ability to set aside our national grief and put our energy into retaliation would
somehow demonstrate our strength as a nation. And so, unfortunately, we were
encouraged not to grieve for more than a few days, before resuming our “normal”
lives, individually and as a nation.
The anniversary observances that will soon be upon us give us an opportunity to undo
this mistake. Let this be a time to renew our process of public grief—to name the
silence and emptiness we feel, which political rhetoric can neither deny nor erase.
For example, in the church which I serve as pastor our anniversary theme is going to
be first “what we have lost,” and only then, “what we have learned” from 9/11.
And perhaps in this time for grief we can acknowledge with great compassion the
experience of loss which we now share in common with the innocent victims of war in
other times and situations. For them and for us the experience of loss brings with it
a “void” that we cannot “avoid,” no matter how hard we try.
Questions or comments? Please contact the author
Rev. John Schwiebert at mailto:john@tearsoup.com
READER SUBMISSION
The Most Important Part of the
Body
My mother used to ask me what is the most important part of the body. Through the years I would take a guess at what I thought was the correct
answer.
When I was younger, I thought sound was very important to us as humans, so I said, "My ears, Mommy." She said, "No. Many people are deaf. But
you keep thinking about it and I will ask you again soon."
Several years passed before she asked me again. Since making my first attempt, I had contemplated the correct answer. So this time I
told her, "Mommy, sight is very important to everybody, so it must be
our eyes. "She looked at me and told me, "You are learning fast, but the answer is
not correct because there are many people who are blind."
Stumped again, I continued my quest for knowledge and over the years, Mother asked me a couple more times and always her answer was, "No. But
you are getting smarter every year, my child."
Then last year, my grandpa died. Everybody was hurt. Everybody was crying. Even my father cried. I remember that especially because it was only the
second time I saw him cry. My Mom looked at me when it was our turn to say our
final good-bye to Grandpa. She asked me, "Do you know the most important body
part yet, my dear?"
I was shocked when she asked me this now. I always thought this was a game between her and me. She saw the confusion on my face and told me,
"This question is very important. It shows that you have really lived in your life. For
every body part you gave me in the past, I have told you were wrong and I have given
you an example why. But today is the day you need to learn this important lesson."
She looked down at me as only a mother can. I saw her eyes well up with tears. She said, "My dear, the most important body part is your shoulder."
I asked, "Is it because it holds up my head?" She replied, "No, it is because it can hold the head of a friend or a loved one when they
cry. Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on sometime in life, my dear. I
only hope that you have enough love and friends that you will always
have a shoulder to cry on when you need it."
Then and there I knew the most important body part is not a selfish one. It is sympathetic to the pain of others.
People will forget what you said...People will forget what you did. But people will NEVER forget how you made them feel.
Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them, but you always know they're there.
Submitted by B. Oliver, Portland, OR.
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TEAR SOUP,
a recipe for healing
after
loss |
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Grandy's Cooking Tips
Grandy’s Recipe For Tear Soup
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Tip #1.
Grief work takes time. Much longer than anyone wants it to.
Tip #2.
If a child or spouse dies it may be a year before the bereaved begins to gain a sense
of stability, because the loss is highlighted by each season, holiday, anniversary or
special day. The second year is not so great either.
Tip #3.
You may be okay one minute but the next minute you may hit bottom. |
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Tip #4.
Nighttime can be particularly difficult. Some people have trouble getting to sleep while
others have trouble staying asleep. An then there are those who don't want to wake
up.
Tip #5.
Most people can tolerate another's loss for about a month before wanting the
bereaved person to get back to normal. |
Please Note:
Reprinted from Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss.
If you would like to share this recipe with others or include it in a support group or
newsletter, please include the following byline:
Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss
Copyright Grief Watch 1999
By Pat Schwiebert & Chuck DeKlyen
Illustrated by Taylor Bills
Home Page: http://www.tearsoup.com
email: mailto:info@tearsoup.com
Read More Of Grandy’s Tear Soup Tips.
Please visit http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tstips.htm
To learn more about Tear Soup please visit http://www.tearsoup.com/tearsoup/tsabout.htm
POETRY –
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Sorrow prepares you for joy.
It violently sweeps everything
out of your house,
so that new joy can find
space to enter.
It shakes the yellow leaves
from the bough of your heart,
so that fresh, green leaves
can grow in their place.
It pulls up the rotten roots,
so that new roots hidden beneath
have room to grow.
Whatever sorrow shakes
from your heart,
far better things
will take their place.
-Rumi |
TEAR SOUP SEPTEMBER SPECIAL
A LIMITED TIME OFFER ONLY FOR OUR
NEWSLETTER SUBSCRIBERS!!!
Offer expires September 30, 2002
Have you ever considered giving Tear Soup as a gift to a friend in need? Do
you know someone who is having an especially hard time with the anniversary of
September 11th fast approaching?
Tear Soup makes a wonderful gift to friends who are hurting. With it’s universal
message and beautiful illustrations, the title comforts those who are grieving the loss
of anyone or anything special in their life.
For a limited time Grief Watch will be offering a 25% discount on this special book!
That is only $14.96 a copy (plus shipping).
If you would like to take advantage of this special offer, please call our office at
503-284-7426 and we will do our best to process and ship your order within 24 hours. Please
mention this offer at the time of your order.
* offer expires September 30, 2002
* shipping cost added to invoice
* offer applies to retail sales only
JOIN THE FREE PRODUCT GIVEAWAY LIST !!!
Recently we started a new program within our website that aims to bring awareness
to our bereavement resources by giving away FREE helpful products in a monthly
drawing. The entries for this drawing are pulled directly from a new “Product
Giveaway List” that is open to all of our customers and newsletter subscribers.
To take part in this special program and have your name included in the drawing each
month, all you have to do is add your name to our “Giveaway List.” It’s that easy!
Each month we enter the names on this list into a special drawing where we give
away a FREE item from our product catalogue. These items often include our
handmade ceramic Remembering Heart, Love Stones, the Rainbow Butterfly, or
Support Cards.
This months drawing is for a FREE ceramic Rainbow Butterfly you can learn more
about this product by visiting: http://www.griefwatch.com/pl/plinfo/butterfly.htm.
Currently we maintain three separate lists for our subscribers to choose from. Each
uniquely different, they let subscribers customize the services we provide. A
traditional “Mailing list” for sending out catalogues, brochures and product updates,
an “Email List” that sends you this newsletter each month, and the new “Product
Giveaway List” we mentioned above.
If you would like to add your name to the “Product Giveaway List” and have a chance
at winning any month’s featured item, simply follow the link below to our mailing list
administration page. Once there enter the email address you used when you first
signed up to our mailing list. Following these steps will give you access to your
personal profile in our database and will allow you to select which of our mentioned
list’s you would like to join, or remove yourself from.
After you have selected the list(s) you would like to join click the SAVE button at the
bottom of your profile page, and you will be automatically added to those list!
TO UPDATE YOU PROFILE & JOIN THE “PRODUCT GIVEAWAY LIST” PLEASE
CLICK HERE: http://www.griefwatch.com/mailinglist/add_subscriber.asp
If you have any questions about our mailing list(s) please send your questions to
webmaster@griefwatch.com.
HELPFUL LINKS
The September 11th Victims Website
http://www.september11victims.com/september11victims/
Site includes an updated victims list, victim memorials, WTC memorial status and
ideas for donating to the victims families fund.
New York City Police Foundation Heroes Fund
http://www.libertyunited.org/nycpfhf.adp
The New York City Police Foundation has established a special fund for police
officers injured or killed in the World Trade Center relief effort. Your contributions will
help provide the resources to meet the financial, physical, and psychological needs
of police personnel and their families as well as emergency needs of the
NYPD. Administrative costs will be absorbed by the Foundation so that all donations will
directly benefit the relief effort.
For more bereavement sites and grief links please visit our Helpful Links Page at
http://www.griefwatch.com/links.htm
For more bereavement sites and grief links please visit our Helpful Links Page at
http://www.griefwatch.com/links.htm
Tear Soup is one of the most helpful recipes for you and your family.
Find out why. http://www.griefwatch.com/tearsoup/tshome.htm
Want to learn more about Grief Watch?
Please visit our website http://www.Griefwatch.com
COMMENTS & SUGGESTIONS
Do you have an article, idea or suggestion for our newsletter? Our online community grows and becomes inspired everyday by your input. Please send your submissions or comments to
mailto:webmaster@tearsoup.com
This newsletter is the creation of Metanoia Peace Community-Grief Watch, Portland, Oregon. USA. The articles contained within are subject to all copyright
restrictions and are the property Grief Watch or their perspective
owners. If you would like to share this newsletter with others please do so. If you would like to reprint a portion of this newsletter for your organization or publications, please contact Chuck DeKlyen
mailto:webmaster@griefwatch.com
for permissions. Thank you.
Grief
Watch never sells or rents the names that it collects from it's
mailing lists.
Questions? See our privacy policy.
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